Female Koalas Have Liberated Lesbian Sex

These cuties do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.

Maybe it’s the fem-fueled election that’s got me abuzz with lady empowerment, but these days, all talk regarding strong, sexual women really gets my estrogen a-pumpin’. I walk down the feminine hygiene aisle like it’s a damn catwalk, proudly waving my CVS brand tampons above my head. I’m certainly no Susan B., but lately I’m more psyched than ever to be a strong, confident woman who don’t give no fucks and don’t need no man. And though I identify as a straight female, when I discovered female koalas also espouse my “no man necessary” policy, I raised my fist in solidarity. Researchers at Australia’s University of Queensland found lady koalas like to get each other off. The study monitored 130 captive koalas and noted the females rejecting males who came courtin’ in favor of mating with one another—sometimes up to five participants at a time.

In fact, the girl-on-girl action outnumbered the heterosexual relations, three to one. The research team explained:

“Some females rejected the advances of males that were in their enclosures, only to become willing participants in homosexual encounters immediately after. On several occasions, more than one pair of females shared the same pole, and multiple females mounted each other simultaneously. At least one multiple encounter involved five female koalas.”

A total of 15 heterosexual and 43 homosexual interactions were recorded in separate animals. Homosexual behavior was restricted to females only. And yet researchers found heterosexual encounters were typically twice as long as homosexual encounters. Researchers found the behavior curious and tried to explain: They speculated the homosexual activity could have been a tactic females were enacting to arouse the males (also known as me in high school). They also pondered the potential of hormonal impairment as a result of captivity. Fucking the patriarchy and sexual preference were not taken into consideration. But that’s not the only reason I’ve concluded female koalas are the most sexually-adventurous marsupial: They’re shutting down rape culture. Researchers found uninterested females warned approaching males by emitting a loud shriek. If a large male tried to force himself on her, she’d bite, scratch, even climb a tree and jump to another branch. “She’ll do everything in her capacity to reject him,” said Bill Ellis, a koala researcher with the University of Queensland. Obviously fascinated, I dug a little deeper into koala biology. I have to say, I’m unsurprised lady koalas are giving a big thumbs-down to the men. Did you know that male koalas have TWO penis heads? TBH, I was too petrified to Google image search what that might look like, but the mental image is enough to convince me that, if I was a koala, I’d go lady-on-lady, too. Whether it’s female empowerment driving these lezzie koalas, or the fear of their male counterpart’s genitalia, I’m filled with fem pride. Women taking charge of their bodies? HELL, YES.