Does Hillary Clinton Have A Body Double?
Yes, and she has a name!
ICYMI, conspiracy theorists think Democratic POTUS nominee Hillary Clinton has a body double.
Were this nutty thing true, she wouldn’t be the first kween to have one. Turns out powerful women throughout history have had doubles—like Queen Elizabeth, who died and was sneakily replaced with a lookalike!
The Hillary conspiracy really gained traction back in September, when the Dem nominee got a lil’ woozy at the 9/11 Ground Zero ceremony. Her knees buckled as Secret Service agents deftly grabbed her under the arms and pulled her into a black van, leaving one lone shoe behind on the sidewalk.
“They threw her in like she was a side of beef,” a senior law enforcement official told The Daily Beast, and it’s difficult to conjure a more apt comparison.
Clinton’s campaign chalked her abrupt departure and near-collapse to “overheating,” later releasing a statement from her doctor attributing this overheating to dehydration and a case of pneumonia.
Fast forward to later on that day, when we saw Clinton leaving daughter Chelsea’s apartment with a renewed joie de vivre. She waved at reporters and exclaimed with a smile, “I’m feeling great.”
How could she have been looking so hale and hearty, so soon? The obvious answer: It wasn’t Hillz leaving Chelsea’s apartment that day, oh no! It was her body double, Teresa Barnwell.
Who is T. Barnz?
Barnwell is a former ad executive who quit her job in 1993 to become a full-time Hillary impersonator. Just LOOK at the two of them plotting world domination at a book signing in ’96!
On that fateful fall day in NYC, Barnwell tweeted what appeared to be a selfie in front of Clinton’s Manhattan apartment. It was captioned, “Maybe I was in NYC today…you never know!”
Soon after, she took to Twitter again to clarify that the person in the image wasn’t her.
OK people, calm down. I was in LA today, all day. Was just messin' with your crazy conspiracy minded little heads. Go to bed.
It wasn’t the first time theorists have jumped on “evidence” of Hillary’s doppelgänger—evidence such as:
The no-Secret-Service thing
Of course Hillz left Chels’ apartment sans bodyguard. When Hillz isn’t actually Hillz, she doesn’t need guarding!
However, conspiracy busters point out the Secret Service rolled up to the curb soon after her solo departure.
But wait—there’s more! Witness:
The body thing
I believe #ClintonBodyDouble Why? Came out Apt. -Looking & saying "feeling great" -yet cancelled California. #fraud
The face thing
HillarysBodyDouble trended-a side by side comparison raises some uncomfortable conspiracy questions #USelections
— @jasuja
The finger thing
Hillary's INDEX finger is longer than her RING finger. This ISNT Hillary. #HillarysBodyDouble #HillarysHealth
The reality
All the “evidence” above comes down to camera angles and blazer creases, not to mention a misogynistic dissection of a 69-year-old woman’s facial wrinkles. And that examination has less to do with policy and more to do with the fact that, as The Atlantic put it, “No matter what is said about a female political candidate’s appearance, it has a negative impact on what potential voters think of her.”
Listen, I’m all for conspiracy theories. Can’t get enough of them! I love them for the same reason I love sci-fi movies and haunted houses: They provide a welcome suspension of disbelief and a fun distraction from the monotony of routine. And I don’t even have to get drunk to enjoy them!
For this reason, I lower my gullibility threshold by ~1000% where conspiracies are concerned. It’s fun to imagine what could be, as long as the underlying assumption among participants is that it merely could be. Not that it is.
And guys, the truth of the matter is: Every single politician, let alone POTUS-hopeful, has some legitimate skeletons in the closet. That’s simply the name of the game, and frankly, I’d be worried if Hillary was the exception.
So can we please steer clear of Teresa Barnwell and focus on some tangible, real-life Hillary blunders? Like the fact that she didn’t publicly support same-sex marriage until 2013? Or the unfortunate occasion on which she wore a pantsuit with a, erm, ruffled collar?
And don’t forget that Hillary Clinton is under constant, relentless, unforgiving media scrutiny 24/7. The odds of there being an impersonator (or two, or three) on call, ready to don Hillary’s navy pantsuit and sensible kitten heels at the drop of a hat are pretty high—but let’s not confuse “comedic impersonator” with “body double brought in to replace a dead person,” shall we?
I mean, take a closer look at the photo “evidence” above: Even Hillary’s most notable lookalike doesn’t look that much like her. To routinely deceive the American public and a steady slew of cameras, it would almost take a completely different human being to have replaced Hillary decades ago and that’s absur—
…Oh, shit, ok. Vampires it is.