21 Nerdy Jokes That'll Make You Look Smart In Front Of All Of Your Friends. I Died At #5
by N/A, 10 years ago |
5 min read
The best jokes are not only hilarious, but they make you think before you get to the punchline. The next 21 jokes will have you laughing out loud... but only if you're smart enough to understand them!
Think you can keep up?
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, and the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on. After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, "you fellas ought to know your limits!"
What is the deal with this Rorschach guy, and why does he keep painting pictures of my parents fighting?
Rene Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks if he wants anything and Rene says, "I think not," then disappears.
Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar, followed by Batman.
Yo Momma's so classless she could be a Marxist Utopia!
OOOHHHHHHH
DID you hear about the man who cooled to absolute zero? He's OK now.
Pavlov is sitting at a bar when the phone rings. He jumps and cries, "oh crap, I forgot to feed the dogs!"
Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced many foot calluses. He didn't eat very much which made him frail. Due to his strange diet, he also had awful breath. So he was, ultimately, a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "do all of you want a drink?" The first logician says "I don't know." The second says, "I don't know." The third says, "yes!"
A Roman walks into a bar. He asks for a Martinus. "You mean a martini?" The bartender asks. Replies the Roman: "If I wanted a double I would have asked for it!"
I'm thinking about selling my theremin. I haven't touched it in years!
It's hard to explain puns to kelptomaniacs, because they're always taking things literally.
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce the word "unionized."
An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class about different forms. He said "In English a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language in which a double positive can express a negative." A student in the back of the class then shouted, "Yeah, right."
What's the difference between an etymologist and an entomologist?
An etymologist knows the difference.
The other day my friend was telling me that I didn't understand what irony meant. Which was ironic, because we were at a bus stop!
There are two types of people in this world: those who extrapolate from incomplete data.
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
................
Yo momma is so mean she has no standard deviation.
Maaad ruuuuude
What does the "B" in Benoit B. Mandelbrot stand for?
Benoit B. Mandelbrot.
A photon checked into a hotel. When the bellhop asked him where all his luggage was, he said, "Don't have any—I'm traveling light."
✕
Do not show me this again