We Gave Filthy Porn Titles To Classic Kid's Books And Childhoods Got Ruined
Nothing from your childhood is sacred. Not even the books you read when you were five.
Nothing says 'nostalgia' quite like the books you read as a kid.
Whether you heard them as bedtime stories read to you by your parents, or picked them up for the first time at your Scholastic Book fair, there are certain books like Harry Potter, "Oh, The Places You'll Go!" and "Peter Rabbit" that will always hold a place in our hearts for the creativity, wonder, and love they inspired in us.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, nothing ruins nostalgia quite like porn.
Oh yes, there's no better way to drown that warm feeling of innocence you get from rewatching a beloved Disney movie than with the tidal wave of shame that comes with rubbing one out to a video of two strangers bumping uglies afterward.
Now, there's an old saying that goes "oil and water don't mix," but we here at DOSE have never been fans of conventions—or of taking advice on how we mix our liquids, which is why we put together this list:
13 Classic Children's Book Titles Replaced With Titles From Porn Sites.
Yes, real titles of porn movies people. Enjoy.
1. "Goodnight Moon"
Not exactly the bedtime story you want to be reading your kids.
2. "The Cat In the Hat"
You've been doing it wrong all these years.
3. "Alice in Wonderland"
The rabbit is totally into it.
4. "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone"
Don't miss the sequel: "Whorrey Potter and the Chamber of Anal."
5. "Animorphs: The Separation"
Honestly, I couldn't believe this was an actual porn title—but it is.
6. "The Giving Tree"
Bet the tree didn't see that coming.
7. "When You Give A Mouse A Cookie"
The heartwarming tale of a mouse who loves to munch box.
8. "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory"
Wonka's gonna show you his Willy.
9. "Frog and Toad Are Friends"
I think Frog and Toad are more than friends.
10. "The Hobbit"
Fun Fact: 'Precious' is actually Gollum's nickname for his penis.
11. "The Very Hungry Caterpillar"
More like a very promiscuous caterpillar.
12. "Where the Wild Things Are"
An imaginative young boy discovers bestiality.
13. Holes
Enough said.
We hope your childhood has been adequately ruined.
Again, these are actual movies—just in case you have some spare time on your, um, hands...