Without CGI, Hollywood Movies Are Basically Just Big Kids Playing Pretend
Because as a kid you always do your own stunts....
Remember those summer days when our moms would finally shoo us and our friends away from the inviting glow of the television and out of the air-conditioning? While we grumbled that we'd rather be playing N64, or watching cartoons, our mothers would chide us on the importance of "fresh air and sunshine," usher us out into the yard and leave us with nothing but our wits and maybe a few toy lightsabers for entertainment
Despite our grousing, we would devote hours to constructing complex tales of intrigue, and then to playing out our dramatic sagas. As kids, we devised epics that would've put Homer to shame.
And, on top of it, we could get away with all sorts of ridiculous shit, because we were kids playing pretend, and that's what kids do. Typically, you don't see adults clad in the leftover Halloween costumes, swinging lightsabers and nerf guns from the back of little red wagons.
Unless, of course, you're on a movie set.
In that case, there's a very good chance you'll see something exactly like that.
As it turns out, stripped of all the pomp and frills of digital effects, Hollywood looks a lot like you and your friends dicking around in your backyard.
See? How they made the birds in Avatar is basically no different from kid you running around with your arms outstretched and screaming "I'm an airplane! WHOOSH!"
Take me back to the days flying was as easy as striking a Superman pose and wrangling a couple friends into billowing your cape.
You: "Bang. I got you! You're dead."
Your Dickhole Friend: "Nuh uh! I've got a shield.
You: "NO FAIR. Shields are against the rules! WE SAID."
Replace this hot air balloon with a laundry basket and the waterfall with a flight of stairs and you've got a pretty average day in the life of a seven-year-old.
"Ok, so I'll be the princess and you be the princess's royal dog. Now, bow your head so I can pet you."
Throwback to your disappointment at learning the recipe for flight was more than just a cape and a good running start.
"Mom, we can't come inside. We're playing dinosaurs. Duh."
Remember when, with a little imagination, a Beanie Baby tiger was basically as fearsome as the real thing? Turns out Life of Pi without CGI is basically just that.
Thank god these people are professionals. Anyone else who tried to break a fall with a mattress as a kid knows it usually involves way worse "boo boos."
Of course, there are those movies that pull off completely bonkers, real-life, stunts that, even as kids, we couldn't have dreamed up. Like the most recent Mad Max film, for example.
The closest I ever got to doing anything like this involved Legos, firecrackers, and a very ill-fated army man.
Or those "The Man Your Man Could Smell Like" ads Old Spice use to run, which were apparently almost entirely without digital effects. Ain't no child doing this in their backyard.
*Sigh* It really makes me long for the days when roving around with an eyepatch and telling all my teachers I was a pirate was a totally acceptable thing to do. Those were the days.
You can pull back the curtain on more Hollywood effects at the r/WithoutCGI subreddit.