21 Stressful Thoughts Every Girl Has On Prom Day
Getting ready for every school dance was as dramatic as the Titanic capsizing into the Atlantic.
If you were anything like me in high school, prom day was a day filled with tears, self-loathing and arguing with your poor, sweet mother. Starting at the crack of dawn, your day was nothing but primping, priming and plucking. With every task, you had to plan time to redo it at least three times, because you had to look PERFECT.
You may have started with high hopes, but you ended up stressed and disappointed. You probably took it all out on your mom (as we do). When you met up with your pals for group photos, you arrived with an air of blasé, trying to hide all the effort you put into your "effortless" look, but this is what really went down in your head...
1. Okay, time to wake up. You've got a lot to do today.
Hmmm...I can take another hour. I have all day to get ready.
2. Oh yeah....IT'S PROM DAY!!
I'm going to remember tonight for the rest of my life.
3. What the fuck was I thinking getting a spray tan!?
I smell like bug spray and I look like I could be cast in The Jersey Shore.
4. I should make a playlist for getting ready.
Oh hell yes, to the Taylor Swift! I'll tell ya the reason for tear drops on my guitar, Taylor—Spotify commercials.
5. Do I really need to shave my legs? My dress is pretty long.
Maybe just around the ankles.
6. To contour or not to contour?
Oh yeah, I don't know how to contour. But if I did those peasants at school would be BLOWN AWAY!
7. Dear eyeliner gods, please let my wings be even today.
8. I knew the eyeliner gods were fake.
WTF DID LAURA DO TO MY FACE!? I'M A MONSTER!
9. Should I break out those false lashes I got at Sephora last year?
Oh my God, I think my eyeballs are glued shut.
10. Maybe I should try a little smoky eye.
BAD IDEA. I look like a raccoon.
11. Am I feeling a risqué red lip or a dark glam?
Who am I kidding, I'm glam all the way.
12. I'm a monster.
I'm not going.
13. What's that burning smell?
Oh, just my hair. I bet mom thinks I'm burning a hole in the carpet again.
14. Great! Hair is done, now I just have to not incur any wind or move at all for the next....3 hours.
15. What is mom trying to say getting me spanx? I don't need these.
Oh my god, hand them over. It looks like battle of the bulge over here.
16. WHERE IS MY DEODORANT!?
I smell like a day-old chimichanga.
17. Mom better be changing blouses before we leave for group pictures.
Who does she think she is, Jlo circa 2000 at the Grammy's?!
18. I should apologize to Mom.
It's not her fault she's so slutty and I'm so ugly.
19. Great, I can fit exactly one lipstick OR one tampon into this clutch.
Decisions, decisions.
20. Welp, I've got approximately 30 seconds before I'm supposed to meet up for pictures.
HURRY UP AND ZIP, MOM!
21. Damn, I look good.
My date better be grateful.