19 Moments That Made Every College RA Want to Quit On The Spot

No one talks about what it's like to be an RA—mainly because it's majorly messed up. Resident Advisors are literally one year older than the baby-faced freshmen they're trying to keep alive, yet they're put in charge of entire floors of horny, reckless kids. From returning the city traffic parking cones stolen after Friday night's frat party, to confronting a ripe-smelling resident who refuses to shower, universities ask a lot of RAs. 

To prove my point, I talked to my fellow former RAs about all the crazy shit that happened to us. I collected their most horrific RA tales, along with some from Twitter, too, to bring you the best and most cringe-worthy stories. They all revealed a common theme: RAs play many roles beyond those spelled out in their university contracts. Here are the many hats worn by your friendly college RAs.

"During my first week as an RA, someone spilled a gallon of milk in the elevator and fled the scene. My coworker Ryan and I had no choice but to clean it up. We attacked the mess as team: I stayed on the ground floor with the bucket, while Ryan road the elevator up and down 15 floors, mop in hand. When it came time to wring out the mop, he returned to me on the ground floor with the bucket. We were like two Cinderellas with no fairy godmother to be found—only a bucket of bleach water."

— First-year Resident Advisor, The Ohio State University, Columbus, OH

"I had two residents come to me from a different floor and ask for help because they were freaked out that their friends (other residents) were going to do an exorcism because one of them was possessed and was told by a spirit/devil/demon to kill a gay resident. It may have been all of the MDMA that the residents had been doing all year, or the Salvia—haluciations are a powerful thing."

— First-year Resident Advisor, York University, Toronto

"Once a resident pooped in a dress shoe and then tried to flush the shoe down the toilet."

— First-year resident advisor, St. Norbert College, De Pere, WI

"There was a set of twins and they couldn't live in the same building, because one was a football player and one played basketball. They would get really anxious when separated, so sometimes one would sneak out at night and make coo-ing sounds until his brother opened his window. I guess they would talk or something through the window."

— First-year Resident Advisor, Shenandoah Conservatory, Winchester, VA

"Coming back to my room after a weekend away to find every parking sign and road cone in a five block radius stacked up against my door."

— First-year Resident Advisor, The Ohio State University, Columbus, OH

"There is a tradition at the Big Ten school I went to where all of the student body gets drunk and jumps into the freezing cold lake on campus before the Thanksgiving game with our biggest rival. All RAs are required to be on duty. Towards the end of the night, I was told that one of the freshman boys on the floor was bleeding. I found him in one of the girls suite's shower with one of the ladies. I knew he was drunk so I asked him to make himself decent and come out of the shower to check he didn't need stitches. The horny teens stuck their heads out smiling like goofballs. My resident had runny blood streaming down his face from a scratch above his eye, but nothing deep enough to warrant an ER run. I guess sex is the ultimate band-aid."

— First-year Resident Advisor, The Ohio State University, Columbus, OH

"I was doing a room check and both dudes were out of the room. So, I unlocked the door and there was a baby in the middle of the floor. Turns out this dude's mom did his laundry while they were at football practice and brought her baby with her. She was cool with leaving this baby on the carpet while she did his laundry."

— First-year Resident Advisor, Shenandoah Conservatory, Winchester, VA

"My last year as a RA, I had to have a special floor meeting to tell my female residents how to properly dispose of their feminine hygiene products. People were leaving used tampons in the toilet or on the floor of the bathroom, I had had enough. I had to tell adult women that when you're on your period, nobody should be able to tell and shouldn't be able to smell you. It made me wonder if their parents usually cleaned up their bloody messes. Ugh!"

— Third-year Resident Advisor, University of Florida, Gainsville, FL

"My resident Anna lived at the end of my hall and often went home on the weekends. When I asked her what was going on she admitted she felt uncomfortable in her room because of a stuffed snowman plushie that she believed to be possessed by an evil spirit. Another student who claimed to be a psychic ended up trying to exorcise the demon snowman. Needless to say, this made it all worse. Anna ended up transferring dorms; Frosty must've wanted the room to himself."

— Second-year Resident Advisor, York University, Toronto

"I would catch the residents directly above me playing beer pong in their rooms because I could hear the ping pong bounce on the floor. The guys living in the room didn't realize for the longest time and were always surprised when I caught them. It took them a while, but they started bouncing ping pong balls when they weren't playing and I would run upstairs to bust them to discover that they were just bouncing the balls on my ceiling to fake me out. After that, I stopped caring and the sound of ping pong balls instantly make me think of college."

— Third-year Resident Advisor, Notre Dame, South Bend, IN

"I had two first year resident roommates; Megan, a theater major and the other, Stacy, an art major. Stacy came and told me that Megan had confided in her that she herself was a werewolf, that it was a family secret and that she knew it sounded crazy, but it was something she was going through. Stacy said Megan would disappear during the full moon and return in the morning, often bruised and worse for wear, and would explain that she was "wolfin' out and shit". When I had campus security go into their room, Megan had a "Guide to the Newly Bitten", many knives—some of which she tried to cauterize her own open wound with incense sticks because she saw it on Xena. Megan was put into campus counseling and avoided their room after that. Whenever a notice a full moon I wonder if Megan is out there somewhere wolfin' out and shit."

— First-year Resident Advisor, York University, Toronto