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5 Reasons Why My Mom Doesn't Know I Get High

by N/A, 9 years ago | 2 min read

Sorry, mom. 


nerd weed 4/20

I don't think my mom would ever understand why I smoke weed.

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And that's probably why I don't tell her.

My reason for being a secret stoner dates back to high school. I remember sitting on the couch with my mom one night watching this exact scene ^^ in "Teen Mom," in which Jenelle's mom confronts her about smoking weed and how it's basically ruining her life.

My mom proceeded to give me a lecture on how stupid it was to smoke pot, and my mildly-sheltered, goody-two-shoes, 16-year-old self couldn't agree more. The reason I agreed so wholeheartedly being I had never come close to trying it.

Then came college.

My sophomore year of college, I met a boy. Through him, I also met Mary Jane for the first time.

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I fell in madly love with the way this made me feel. 

Oh, and having a boyfriend was nice, too.

Eventually I ditched the boy, but I stuck with the weed.

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I told my mom about the failed relationship, but I kept the other extracurricular activity I picked up to myself. My mom and I share a lot, but this is one thing I don't think I would openly confess to her anytime soon, and there are a few reasons why.

1. My mom would think all I do in my spare time is sit on the couch and eat.

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While I do spend some of my spare time on my couch eating, for a vast majority of that time, I am not stoned. Watching "Chopped" just makes me really hungry.

2. My mom totally thinks pot kills brain cells. 

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We all know that's not true. In fact, I think weed awakens brain cells I never really knew I had, which foster my creativity as a writer. 

3. My mom would think I won't be able to function as a normal human in society.

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My mom totally thinks I would get stoned and forget to go to work or put on pants or something.

But in fact, weed makes me more productive during my 9-5. At work, my creative vulnerabilities sometimes hide like bats in a cave. When I'm high, those ideas come to light, and I write them down for later. 

4. My mom watches a ton of "Intervention" and she'd think that if I smoke weed, I'll probably start doing other drugs, too.

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Every parent fears that "gateway drugs" will ruin their children's lives. I'm sure I'll think the same thing when I'm a parent someday. I guess there's nothing I can really do to assure my mom that I've reached my narcotic limits with pot, so I'll let her have this one.

5. My mom would think I spend all my money on weed.

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She thinks I'm bad with money anyway, as I'm sure all parents of 20-somethings do (because we kind of are). But I was raised to be a responsible person who knows rent, student loans, food, and other expenses take precedence over pot. Weed is considered a luxury item I don't deem essential to my budgeting.

But in case my mom's reading this right now...

... hey, mom. I know you're a fan of my writing, and this might not be something you'll share with your friends on your own Facebook, but in case you didn't know: I smoke weed. 

I love you, Mom. Happy 4/20!

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