Ted Cruz Might Have Actually Been A Guest On The 'Maury' Show
Prepare to get your mind blown by some weird Ted Cruz facts.
Ted Cruz is an enigma.
Since his surprising win over Paul Sadler for a US Senate seat in the 2012 Texas election, Ted Cruz has been a hotly debated political figure. At time of writing, Cruz is narrowly trailing Trump in the presidential primary election. But unlike other candidates like Trump, Clinton and Sanders, Cruz's personal life remains a bit of a mystery.
For example, did you know Cruz was born in Canada? Or that he's the son of a refugee? Or that he went to Princeton and Harvard (which, who cares, tbh). And what about his personality? The authentic Ted Cruz seems to be an entirely unknown figure. Is this because Cruz just happens to be a private guy, or is there something far more sinister about his personal history? You be the judge.
This photo might start to explain the Cruz mystery. Take a look at this still from "Maury," which shows a woman who looks so much like Ted Cruz, my head feels like it's going to explode.
Could it be? Is Ted Cruz leading a double life as a woman who doesn't know the father of her baby? I mean, that just really really looks like Cruz. Maybe he has a twin sister he was separated from at birth?
Other people agree. Someone needs to sit that Cruz lookalike down and ask the tough questions.
Some seem to think the whole thing's a laughing matter.
Which, of course, it is.
As for other mysterious Ted Cruz facts, it's helpful to know he was born in Canada.
Specifically, Cruz was born in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. So why is it that only recently people have begun questioning his ability to become president? Is it because Cruz is some other-worldly creature who's above the Natural Born Citizen Clause of the Constitution? Of course not. It's much more likely that everyone's just been too scared up until now to delve deep his history, afraid of what they'll find. Which leads us to...
A lot of people believe the enigmatic politician is actually the Zodiac Killer.
Of course, this claim is ridiculous...right guys? Cruz was born in 1970, which was after the Zodiac began stalking Northern California, but before he finished his killings. He does have a suspicious resemblance to the Zodiac Killer's police sketch, though. Is it possible that Cruz is an ageless monster from the depths of Hell? I mean again, no. I don't think so.
People have even gone so far as to interpret Cruz's campaign posters as Zodiac-esque ciphers.
Well, it does kind of check out...
Others (me, specifically) think he might just be a robot (specifically a malfunctioning robot), as evidenced by the way he interacts with his family.
*CRUZBOT INITIATE HUG 1001011101*
But wait! Cruz's real name Rafael Edward Cruz. He's half Cuban and the son of a refugee, which really pokes holes in my robot theory.
Kinda seems a little messed up that Cruz, the son of a man (also named Rafael) who fled the violent and oppressive Batista regime in Cuba, doesn't think the US should offer asylum to Muslim refugees from Syria, no? This is the kind of twisted logic either a brilliantly manipulative sociopath or a mentally dysfunctional person would use. Thus, the great Cruz mystery thickens.
Here's another fun fact: Ted Cruz is weirdly obsessed with "The Princess Bride."
I mean, I kind of get it. "The Princess Bride" is a really good movie. It's funny, romantic and a great fantasy story. But according to an US Weekly survey Cruz participated in, he can quote every line of the film. I'd say I want to see if he can recite the script from memory, but hearing him say "as you wish" over and over really creeps me out. Apparently, there are at least five women on the planet who would hypothetically find that super hot.
In March 2016, everyone thought Cruz was involved in a five-woman sex scandal.
The so-called "scandal" hasn't gained much traction much since the National Enquirer published the story in mid-March. I think we all know that really means people just don't want to think that five different women could possibly ever want to bang Ted Cruz. What a weird dude.
We may never solve the Ted Cruz puzzle, but for now, we can at least walk away with a few Cruz facts.