11 Awesomely Bad VH1 Reality Shows You Totally Forgot About
Seriously, you probably blocked these out.
We all remember when the housing bubble burst in the late 2000s. But where were you when VH1's garbage reality show bubble burst? In between hits like "Rock of Love" and "I Love New York," the airwaves were bloated with LOTS of one-season crapola. We dug deep to pull out our favorite skeletons from VH1's cancelled show closet. These gems were probably on in the background as you pondered the Bush-Kerry election and reorganized your Myspace Top 8.
1. Matzo and Metal (2005)
A VH1 "special event" sponsored by Manischewitz, "Matzo and Metal" featured heavy metal rockstars (Dee Snider from Twisted Sister and Scott Ian from Anthrax among them) sharing stories and explaining Judaism to viewers over a Passover meal. I would watch 100 episodes of this.
2. Mission: Man Band (2007)
"What happens when four former boy band members try to revive their careers in a mansion in Orlando?" Probably something embarrassing. Mission: Man Band may not have been a success, but at least Chris Kirkpatrick got to be in the front of band photos for a change.
3. In Search Of The Partridge Family (2004)
Before she was nominated for an Oscar for her role in "Birdman," Emma (real name Emily) Stone competed to be the next Laurie on VH1's reboot of "The Partridge Family." The sitcom never took off, but Emma Stone's twerk-tastic version of "Bitch" will forever remain in our memories.
4. Celebrity Paranormal Project (2006)
This really only qualifies as "Celebrity" Paranormal Project if you consider Hal Sparks and Danny Bonaduce celebrities. It seems like VH1 rounded up the most available stars of their other shows and threw them into a haunted prison. IMDB lists Gilbert Gotfried and Coolio as later guests on the show.
5. America's Most Smartest Model (2007)
Ben Stein and Mary Alice Stephenson hosted this competition show, in which pretty people embarrass themselves by wearing bikinis and competing in elementary academic challenges. Bill Nye guest stars in this special science fair episode.
6. Ice-T's Rap School (2006)
Ice-T, the original gangster and beloved fictional detective, takes a group of nerdy preteens from an NYC prep school and transforms them into nerdy miniature rappers. At the end of it all, they get to open for Public Enemy. #1 regret of 2006 is not seeing that live show.
7. Celebracadabra (2008)
Man, VH1 was good to Hal Sparks. He stars along with Carnie Wilson, Ant and some other B-listers in this reality show where famous people learn magic tricks. I can't believe it's not still on the air.
8. Kept (2005)
Jerry Hall, model and ex-wife of Mick Jagger, makes a group of muscular young dudes compete in goofy challenges to win her heart. The winner becomes her "kept" man. Watch if you want to see half-naked guys prance around London.
9. Motormouth (2004)
Aah, yes. The bygone days of the hidden camera show. Motormouth films people singing, and really going for it, in what they think is the privacy of their own car. Unwitting contestants have fun jobs like "bag boy" and "doll artist."
10. Surviving Nugent (2003)
The premise of "Surviving Nugent" is vague, but I'm pretty sure it involves living on Ted Nugent's ranch, competing in life-threatening competitions, and avoiding getting shot by the Nuge.
11. The White Rapper Show (2007)
A bunch of unknown white people with names like $hamrock and Dasit compete to be hip hop stars. There's rivalry, there's seduction: "Some rappers want to beef, while others want to pork." I have a feeling this show would not be greenlit in 2016.