We Imagined Celebrities' Ridiculous Starbucks Orders And It's Hilarious

Sounds like an opening monologue for Amy Scactihumer's latest HBO special, right? We took the liberty of curating a series of celebrity portraits, adding what we think America's most beautiful would order from America's most successful coffee chain. It doesn't take a Gold Card member to figure these guys out.

James Franco, American actor, writer, producer, playwright, artist and documentarian walks into Starbucks wearing a beanie and fake Warby Parker glasses. Brooding, he skips the line and pours his own drink because, duh, he's also a barista.

Kanye walks in and immediately shifts the CDs at the counter so "The Life Of Pablo" is front and center. Reaching for his empty wallet, he plays it cool and orders a Venti water, then grabs his necklace and adds, "extra ice."

Kim walks in right behind him, clad in Yeezy season 4 with North West on her hip. Mid selfie, she absentmindedly tells the barista, "I'll have whatever Kanye's having." 

Arianna Grande looks longingly at the pastries, and everyone pulls out their phones, expecting another donutgate. She reluctantly heads to the counter sans butter croissant and does a hair flip, big smile combo as she orders a grande caramel frap. She proceeds outside to pose for the paps with her "mini me" drink.

Taylor walks into Starbucks, her girl squad in tow, and orders a liquid, caffeinated version of herself. She tells the barista to leave a "Blank Space" where her name is, then fills the tip jar with a crisp $100 bill. 

After ordering a Spinach Feta breakfast wrap for himself and the three homeless people he met outside, George also orders five cases of Ethos water. He responds to the barista's puzzled look with, "There are thirsty kids in Africa. I would know, I've been there 43 times this year."

Miley walks into Starbucks topless and stoned with her four dogs in tow. She twerks up to the counter and orders a Venti Whipped Cream. As the barista pulls the can out of the fridge, Miley bends over the counter and sticks her tongue out. 

The barista reluctantly sprays the cream into Miley's mouth. Satisfied, Miley dances away while Instagramming her new coffee lid pasties.

Matthew walks into Starbucks smelling like a bottle of Jack Daniel's. He greets the barista with a round of, "Alright, alright, alrights" before ordering something incoherent. The barista swoons, completely captivated by Matthew's slurred southern charm and People's Sexist Man Alive smile. She scribbles down her phone number, and Matthew casually accepts with a wink and a smile before pulling out his flask and heading back to his Lincoln town car.