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TIL: My Mom And I Become The Same Person When We Get Drunk

by N/A, 9 years ago | 3 min read

One night led me to discover that my mom and I are basically the same person—when drunk.

drunk mom embarrassing same person

I recently made the trek from Chicago to Ohio to visit my mom. Upon arrival, she ambushed me with an extra ticket to the Vince Gill concert—for that night. I wanted to spend time with my mom, but seriously, Vince Gill? I eventually decided that, "Whatever, I'll go anyway," because I'm an excellent daughter.

You know when you're a kid and you see a parent who's drunk and it's a little jarring (not to mention a tad embarrassing)? Well, that night, I discovered getting drunk with my mom as an adult is literally the best. And that my mom and I are basically the same drunk person. Allow me to walk you through my unforgettable night.

Here's a picture of Vince Gill, to set the scene.

Mom: Declares she's only going to have one drink tonight. 
Me: Already pouring my second glass of wine.

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Mom: Refuses any pre-concert shots.
Me: Actively trying to convince at least one other person to take a shot with me.

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I'm just being budget conscious. Really, Mom, this is just smart financial planning.

Mom: Insists on driving because she has a parking voucher from the last time the family went to a concert (2002).
Me: Insists on not driving as a silent contract of the drunkenness to come.

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Mom: Orders a complicated Cosmo at the bar before the concert, then has to teach the bartender how to make a proper drink.
Me: Orders the cheapest beer they have (PBR).

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Mom: Accepts shot I bought during the opener. Giggles the whole time.
Me: Giggles back at ridiculous mom giggles.

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Mom: Decides to approach age-appropriate man with a pressed shirt and dungarees.
Me: Decides to approach a 20-something man in plaid with a man-bun. Assumes he's at the Vince Gill concert ironically.

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Mom:  Misses large chunk of the concert because of cute man.
Me:  Misses large chunk of the concert because of cute man.

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Mom: Feels wild—let's attractive man give her a peck.
Me: Feels wild—publicy makes out with man-bun.

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Mom: Acts responsible and gives attractive man her number, then pulls drunk daughter out of the concert venue.
Me: Is too drunk, yells number to man-bun as mother drags me away.

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Mom: Feels saucy enough to download Uber.
Me: Feels saucy enough to learn the cab driver is Canadian. Sings entire Canadian national anthem—everyone in the car is unimpressed.

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Mom: Insists on making cookies.
Me: Insists on eating cookies.

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Both: Too drunk to wait for cookies to cook, and end up eating most of the cookie dough raw.

Mom: Lays in bed the next day with headache, watching "Pride and Prejudice."
Me: Lays in bed with mom the next day watching "Pride and Prejudice," and wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world.

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Now go out and get drunk with your mom! You may just learn you have more in common than you think. 

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