Bond With Your Therapist Instantly With These Easy, Sociopathic Tips
They're a big part of your life, but you need more.
If you haven't gotten a therapist, it's time to make mental health your priority! In this modern age of society, the media and your peers are coming at you full force to help exacerbate your neurosis.
If you're anything like us, you'll have anxiety over whether you'll click with your therapist or not. That special connection needs to be there for you to divulge your inner most thoughts and secrets from your childhood—and beyond. So here are some quick tips for shortcutting the usual bond time and going straight to Secretsville, USA with your fav therapist.
Take your shoes off in their office. Who cares if it's been raining and they're your oldest sneaks, your therapist will appreciate the fact you feel comfortable around them.
Bring them half-dead flowers from the dumpster behind the flower shop you work next to.
Insist on giving them a hand massage because you want them to feel as good as they help make you feel.
Bring wine to your session, because you're more honest with yourself when you're wine drunk.
Wait until you're getting ready to walk out of their office and drop a huge emotional bomb you've been sitting on so they wonder about you all week.
Invite them to your family dinner the next time your family comes into town so they can see what you're talking about.
Call your therapist late at night to tell them how your night was and that your boyfriend blew you off and you're basically human garbage. They love talking to you for large chunks of time!
Instead of friendship bracelets, make your therapist a friendship doll that looks exactly like them. Assure them that this one is theirs because you have one at home that you sleep with every night.
Stand outside in the rain screaming "Dad!" after you find out where they live.
Pretend to be suicidal so they will make a house call, but really you made them dinner—candles and all.
Send a letter on the official letterhead of the practice to all of their other patients saying that their (i.e. your) therapist has moved to Arizona. That way they have more time with you.
Propose to them! You spend all of your free time thinking about when you're going to see them next and what you're going to say; might as well be married!
