12 Totally Useless Talents You'll Secretly Wish You Had
Now you can have these useless talents, too!
1. Doing the dad whistle
This might come in handy if you ever have the need to intimidate your children and/or call them in for supper off the prairie. But if you're not Pa Ingalls, it's mostly just a neat trick.
2. Peeling an orange so the peel is shaped like a penis
Why? We'll never know. But it is, most certainly, a thing that exists.
3. Speaking in a Chicago accent
If you're an actor, this probably isn't that useless. But if you are an actor, you probably shouldn't be getting acting advice from a guy who sits in his car and uploads videos to YouTube.
4. Knowing keyboard shortcuts for all kinds of symbols
For when you just desperately need that shortcut™.
5. Tricking people into thinking you know how to bounce a dinner roll of the floor
This may serve no discernible purpose, but it will make your nephews think you're weird as shit.
6. Casting a variety of shadow puppet creatures
Are you a professional artist of shadow puppet theater? No? Then this might not serve much purpose. But it's a thing to look at on the Internet.
7. Doing the moonwalk
So knowing how to do this dance is way past the point of being able to get you laid in any capacity whatsoever, though I still think it looks cool. But useless? Maybe.
8. Wiggling your ears
Maybe you can get a laugh out of a baby or two with this talent. Maybe. Also, this guy might be a robot.
9. Performing the entirety of the Super Mario Bros. music with your mouth and a weird clap
Will being able to do this ever help you pack out Carnegie Hall? No. No it will not.
10. Doing whatever it is these guys are doing
Is it a dance? An exercise? I don't know. It has no purpose, but it is indeed a talent.
11. Knowing morse code
Unless you're the communications officer on a WWII-era submarine, there probably isn't much you can do with morse code. But like 99.999999% of people don't know morse code, so if you learn it, it could be the one thing you know how to do that everyone else doesn't.
12. Doing cool pen tricks
Haven't you ever seen someone dexterously flipping a pen between their fingers and though, "gee, I wish I could do that"? Me either. But it still fulfills the criteria for a talent, regardless of how worthless it may be.