12 Fun Sociopathic Ways To Score Free Drinks At The Bar
For anyone who closely identifies with Patrick Bateman.
1. Tell that tall guy behind you he just bumped into you and made you spill your drink. He owes you a new cranberry vodka.
2. Find the drunkest man in the bar, then strike a fake business deal. He's buying drinks to seal the deal.
3. Put your finger in a drink that someone else just ordered.
4. Crash a corporate happy hour. Introduce yourself as the new HR girl, Tonya.
Bonus drinks if you spring into an unsolicited speech about workplace etiquette.
5. Throw a fake bachelorette party, complete with dick accessories.
6. Celebrate your divorce in public, complete with dick accessories.
7. Pretend to be a Swedish pop star. You're really big in Stockholm.
Bonus drinks for a convincing accent and outfit.
8. Straight-up walk behind the bar and make yourself a drink.
9. Sob at the bar and fib that your mom just died from Lyme Disease until someone pities you enough to buy you a drink.
10. Let a man splooge on your tits.
It's expected of women, anyways.
11. Follow the guy you stalk into his bar of his choice, then whisper in his ear you know he shaves his upper thighs just because he likes the way it feels. Make him buy you a drink or else you'll tell the whole bar.
12. Time to use that knife you've been hiding up your vagina, unless they buy you a drink.
Damn girl, you're cold-blooded.