11 Things Made Just For Ladies That Will Make You Say NOPE NOPE NOPE
Every one of these products will have you asking, "wait...why?"
...Except for the wine bra because, duh.
1. A pillow to keep your jugs separate
Alright, alright— break it up, ladies! There'll be no fighting here!
The product claims to help preserve spacing between the breasts while also preventing chest wrinkles. It also promises a better night's sleep, because we all know our pesky breasts keep us awake at night.
2. Butthole bleaching cream
If your butthole doesn't clench just imagining the the scorching pain, you are more woman than I.
3. Teddy bear sex toy disguise
For every 12 year old looking to conceal their dildo.
4. Pubic hair dye
If you wanna reall "wow" em.'
5. The frugal woman's "facelift"
*man runs his fingers through her hair and suddenly her jowls fall to her shoulders*
Only $29.95? You're kidding.
6. All-in-one thong jeans
Because the "I had no clean underwear, so I wore my all-denim swimsuit" look is such a hit.
Can we get a slow clap for Degrassi's Manny Santos for inspiring this look?
We all wanted to be her her though, tbh.
7. Glitter vahine-decor
Because otherwise your hoo- ha is way too dull.
8. Face slimming mask
Got a case of fat face? Don't panic. This Face Slimming Mask Belt Anti Wrinkle Full Face Slimming Mask, claims to help you with your chubby mug. The product's website describes its function as, "Help to lose weight , Ionic detox." Sure!
But wait, it also comes in black.
However, the 5/5 star rating on this item kind of has us pondering...
9. Button Extender
OK— we've all been there, and I get it. Sometimes you need a little breathing room. Sometimes you eat a little more lasagna than initially anticipated, but girl just unbutton, pull your shirt and let your gut flap freely under your (hopefully) baggy sweater like the rest of us, because this is embarrassing.
Also, that belly button is not human.
10. Disposable sticker underwear
Adhesive...underwear. So you mean, a sticker?
This seems off on a few levels.
How do you determine the exactly correct placement? It seems like there would be some trial and error here. Do they come in bigger sizes (because...)? Is this supposed to cover my pee and butthole? What if I'm wearing a dress? Etc. Etc.
11. Spanx with pee hole that is literally only there to ruin your life
We'll allow the women' of this reddit thread to speak for us...
We hear your cry, mongoosedog12, and we're here to support you.
OK, so score two for vagina ventilator.
OK, two scores for 'vagina ventilator.'
Peeing through that hole is truly not an option. Because we don't have dongs.
The only way we see this being feasible is if you're equipped with a GoGirl.
12. A literal jug holder
This boobie trap holds fermented grape juice rather than bazooms, because being drunk in public is the only remedy for being self conscious about your chest size.
But seriously, guys—just because Mindy did it doesn't make it cute.
Or does it?