11 Genius Products That 100% Understand What It Means To Have A Vagina
We women fart, bleed and pee (sitting down). It's about time someone came to our rescue.
1. Va-gine wipes
Recommended for: During your period, after working out, when you don't have time to shower every single day, (being a woman living in today's high-demand society). A swipe and a wipe and you'll stay sniffing fresh as a daisy.
2. Fast Flats
"I can for sure go all night in these heels. Totally fine. No prob. A few drinks in and I won't be able to feel the pain, right?"
Wrong. Consider this back up— because both barefoot girl and tearful limping girl are very un-cute looks.
3. Sweat absorber for the underboob
It's the very first place sweat begins to pool and you know that jug juice is visible to every passerby. Panic ensues. You try pulling your shirt from your chest and flapping it wildly about, but you also don't want to draw attention to the problem area. This product has the potential to be a godsend for all ladies whose breasts perspire at an alarming rate (aka every woman I know).
4. A towel that will guarantee you're TRUELY clean
This genius product just saved you from wiping your face directly where you wiped your butthole yesterday— better yet, where your boyfriend wiped HIS butthole. Of course, you've just washed yourself, so in theory, your body is clean, but how fresh can a butthole get, really? Your butthole is perpetually dirty. Forever.
Also, props to this product for allowing me to say butthole a proud total of five times. #blessed
5. AC undies to keep a cool Vajay
At first, this one was a real head-scratcher, but upon further reflection, we've decided the Jockey "Staycool" collection has potential payoffs. For instance, you would no longer have to pack a separate pair of undies for after the gym. Also, chaffing.
That's about all the practical uses we could come up with, but uh, having a cool vadge does sound quite nice. The panty technology claims to reduce your downstairs temperatures by about 3 degrees. And yes— there is a line for men and their sweaty genitals too (because equality)!
6. A peeing device for women with penis envy
OK, before you begin judgment, CONSIDER THIS: you're at some sort of outdoor event— a concert, a beer festival, Mardi Gras (you get the picture). Your bladder is totally full. You're in pain. Your only option is to stand in a very long line BY YOURSELF (because your friends don't have to go right now and because they're unloyal bitches), just to piss in very small, very bacteria-ridden stall. Once you DO make it there, you pee for so long that your squat position gets weak. Your legs begin to quake. And in a moment of complete weakness, your butt touches the seat.
Think of the missed good times. Think of the opportunity. At least use this the Go Girl to avoid public seat butt touch (PSBT). All I'm saying is, consider it.
7. Fart Pajamas
For all those sleepless nights at your boyfriends apartment spent clenching your butt-cheeks, Shreddies Flatulance Pajamas claim to eliminate fart sniffs with a carbon lining. They're cotton, so the likelihood of them actually being comfortable is also promising! With these pants, you can fart freely, ladies. But DO make sure it's a silent one, because this product is absolutely no help in that department.
9. Bike Skirt Garter
Attention female bikers who (like me), vehemently reject pants in the summer. So many times I've thrown caution to the wind and hopped on my fixie in flowing garments, in the name of looking cute.
And I pay for it every single time, with startling honks from lucky panty spotters. Or worse, when my skirt gets caught in the chain, forcing me to hobble to the side of the road and yank it out (because fashion before function). I CAN'T BE THE ONLY ONE.
Say so long to pants and spandex forever with this cutesy clip. You can buy it here.
8. Fart Filtering Undies
Shreddies, the same folks that bring us fart jammies, also makes fart undies (bc duh)! The average person toots 14 times per day, so you could continue to risk it, but these babies guarantee to eliminate any odors you poof their way, for a life expectancy of 2-3 years. Again, these do not come with a soundproof barrier, so before you let one rip, be absolutely certain the winds you're about to break are hushed.
10. Spray paint nail polish
Inept manacurists rejoice! The China Glaze product will launch at Ulta this month in "Purple Shimmer," "Magenta Shimmer," "Bright Blue" and "Platinum Silver."
Here's how it works:
11. Self-absorbing, washable, leak-proof period underwear
Thinx is an underwear line that claims to eliminate the need for pads or tampons! Pretty gross, right? It's actually not!
Here's how it works:
The first layer works to remove moisture, followed by a layer that fights bacteria. The third layer works like a pad to absorb and the bottom makes sure that there's no red leaks showing through your hot white pants (damn, girl)!
The undies claim to hold up to 2 to 6 teaspoons of blood, so they can be used in conjunction with tampons or those plastic cups we jam up ourselves (as we do)— whichever you think is best for your flow. Even better, they can go in the cold cycle after use.
POOF! Just like that, no more gnarly stains. Choose from 6 cute styles : hip hugger, hi-waist, sport, boy short, cheeky and thong.