7 Celebs And The Maniacal Dictators You Never Knew They Performed For

Who can blame Yeezy for cashing a check from the dashing President of Kazakhstan? I mean, just look at that hairline, that piercing gaze. He could make any rapper swoon. Never mind that Nazarbayev has exempted himself from his country's own term limits, made criticizing him illegal and, oh yeah, routinely tortures his opposition.

I guess Ye had to start paying off that $54 million in debt, because he overlooked all those human rights violations for a cool $3 million.

Look at these two. What a jolly pairing they make, huh? 

They've both got reasons to be happy. J. Lo made a sahweeeet $1.5 mil just for singing happy birthday to the President of Turkmenistan. 

Never mind that The Human Rights Watch has named Turkmenistan one of the "world's most repressive countries" for its imprisoning of dissidents and sweeping blows to religious freedom. That's not important. With a name like "Gurbanguly," how bad can the guy be? It's even fun to say! Gurbanguly!

It may appear as though I'm asking to get struck by lightning for speaking ill of the Queen of Pop, Our Lord High Beyoncé, may her fierceness forever reign, but Queen Bey did receive in the neighborhood of $1 million for her performance at one of the many parties thrown by Hannibal and the late Mutassim Gaddafi, sons of the deceased Muammar Gaddafi, the former ruler of Libya.

No big deal, right? It's not like the Gaddafi regime stands accused of genocide, mass rape, and bombing civilians or anything. 

Oh...wait.

Rumor has it that Sting—well-known humanitarian, conservationist, and guy people confuse for Bono—found a lot of common ground with Uzbek President Islam Karimov while getting paid a couple million bucks to perform at an "arts" festival in Uzbekistan.

It makes sense. I mean, the two have a lot in common. Sting likes singing feelsy songs and pretending to make a difference, and Karimov enjoys boiling his enemies and forcing legions of children into slave labor. Instant BFFs 4 lyf omg! 

The Rumble in the Jungle fight that took place between George Foreman and Muhammad Ali in what is now the Democratic Republic of Congo in 1974 is still one of the most famous boxing matches in history. 

What a shame that it was funded by Mobutu Sese Seko, a guy who, besides having dreadful taste in hats, had a rep worse than the most evil Bond villains. In addition to slaughtering untold numbers of his own citizens, the bespectacled madman was rumored to have fed his rivals to crocodiles.

The late Michael Jackson, may he rest in pop, got WAAAAY more involved with the Abdullah Kalifa, the Prince of Bahrain, than just giving him a private performance.

Apparently, in 2008 Abdullah spent in the neighborhood of $7 million building a studio, paying living expenses for and working on a joint album with the singer. It's just a shame that it never came to fruition. The two even recorded a single, "I Have This Dream," that has yet to see the light of day. Presumably "I Have This Dream" has something to do with Al Khalifa's dreams of oppressing his own people. 

Retired NBA star Dennis Rodman has called the rotund dictator of North Korea "a friend for life," which is kind of an eerie thing to say about a guy who starves his own people and threatens to rain down nuclear fire on the United States every other day.  

Still, Rodman stands by his BFF Kim, even going as far as recruiting seven other retired NBA players to play a game in honor of the despot's birthday, which, honestly, is a level of bromance that's pretty adorable even if it is, you know, evil.