11 Stages Of Dating Anxiety All Overthinkers Have To Bravely Suffer Through
Pshh, what honeymoon phase?
1. You're never quite sure how often to text
You're so used to texting your BFF videos of cats getting their heads stuck in boxes every 10 minutes, you've completely lost track of what's appropriate.
Does your crush care you just accidentally took someone else's drink at Starbucks and felt so guilty you gave your Frappuccino to a homeless man? Maybe. But you better play it safe and hold off texting for another few hours, like any sensible overthinker would do.
2. On the flip side, you feel obligated to respond every time they text you
There's nothing like an unprompted, "how's your day going?" to send you into a tailspin. It's a full-time job just to draft a clever response, and you've already got a 9-5 you're actively avoiding doing work f or. Unless he wants to hear about your menstrual cramps, you're fresh out of interesting things to say.
Or what if he texts a random anecdote about his boss? Now you've got to feign amusement with the exact right amount of 'hahaha's or else the entire relationship is over.
3. You constantly wonder if they're dating someone else
You know the drill: you're laying next to each other watching "House of Cards," and just as you're falling asleep, you see a random girl's name flash across his phone screen.
Of course, it'd be crazy to turn on all the lights and interrogate him about this mystery girl, so instead you just assume the worst and drunkenly bring it up later.
Who's jealous? Not you. No siree.
4. You want to know where they are LITERALLY AT ALL TIMES but you have to act nonchalant about it
You're not yet ready to unleash your Catholic school mom tracking skills, so you have to act all casual when asking about their whereabouts.
The worst thing they can do is tell you they're "busy"... what does that mean?! Like, doing laundry busy? Or like, about to walk into a bar to meet a new Tinder match busy? And sure it's none of your business since you're not official or whatever, but the uncertainty is crippling so you might as well just curl into a ball and wait for death.
5. You're not sure where they stand on social media pictures
So, you guys took a really cute selfie on Saturday night, but you're not sure how he'd feel if you posted it on social media. You ask yourself: On a scale of 1 to "we're getting married," how serious is it if you share it on Instagram?
You decide to either a) post it and immediately regret doing so, or b) don't post at all and mope for the next few hours. Tough choice.
6. You have a difficult time opening up
You're never sure how real to get and how fast, especially if this person might ghost two months later. So it's understandable you want to keep your deepest, darkest secrets close to the chest, like your soft spot for Aaron Carter.
7.And, you can't gauge how real they want to get with you
You're dying to know what his uber-strict upbringing was REALLY like, but instead you find yourself asking dumb questions like, "what's your favorite iPhone app?"
Plus, there's no way of knowing if what comes out of his mouth is actually the way he feels. Yeesh.
8. You worry their past partners were better in bed than you
It's sort of an unwritten rule that you don't ask for details about past romantic partners... but it drives you crazy not knowing how you stack up. What if he's comparing you to his flexible ex, when you can barely get through a beginner's yoga class?
It's impossible to live up to all these imaginary expectations.
9. You're paranoid you'll do something weird or gross in front of them
When you start dating someone new, an unexpected fart is as scary as living alone during a power outage. Did he hear that? Even worse, can he smell that? That goddamn brunch skillet probably ruined your one and only chance at true love.
Of course while you've been sweating over your flatulence , he's been blissfully ripping silent toots of his own the entire time.
10. You're hesitant to put labels on your relationship
Wait, what relationship? This whole time you've been worrying about where he stands without even seriously considering if you want the commitment. Is it the right time for monogamy, or are your ovaries drying up at the very thought?
Maybe just put off "the talk" for another week or so.
11. You panic when you realize they might actually like you
Yes... you. The person who eats three-day-old pizza in bed and watches Rihanna twerking videos just for funzies. It's scary to let your guard down and allow yourself to fall for someone, but when you're with the right person, you'll actually find it feels sorta right.
Only now, you have heartbreak to worry about. Here we go again.