If You're Always High, One Of These 13 Things Has Probably Happened To You

Stoner: *laughs uncontollably*

Family: What's so funny?

Stoner: *still laughing* Sodas... sodas everywhere...

Stoner: "Whoa dude is this, like, the 1600s or something?"

Campus tour guide: "Sir, please stop trying to smoke the leaves. They're maple."

Note: do not try this. I can't say for sure, but I have a feeling it won't hold up in court.

Stoner: *on phone*  "Hi mom, I'll be home in 15 minutes"

[four hours pass]

Stoner's mom: *on phone* "Where are you?"

Stoner: "Space I think?"

To be fair, sweatshirt pockets are perfectly donut-sized.

Stoner's friend: "Where have you been? You said you'd be here at five"

Stoner: "It is five."

Stoner's friend: "I meant 5pm you stoned fuck."

Stoner: "I can see so much more clearly."

Stoner's friend: "Why, do you have glaucoma?"

Stoner: "No, it's just that I have all these eyes."

Thank god for the poor vision of dinosaurs.

This is also occasionally referred to as "mild hallucinations." You'll probably be fine. If you feel like you're being chased by a woman with snakes for hair, though, I recommend not looking her in the eye. Actually, you might have smoked bath salts by mistake. 

Must've been some dank-ass flowers.

Stoner: "I'm hungry and I want to watch a movie."

Stoner's friend: "Well I mean we can watch Netflix, but I don't have any vegan food here."

Stoner: "Wait nvm I've got a better idea."