19 Gods Of Erotica Who Inspired Our First Sexual Awakenings
If you thought your childhood sex fantasy was bizarre, the Dose team probably has you beat.
Uncovering the mysteries of sex was a very confusing time in our lives.
You started to feel...things and some of your presumptions were a little bizarre in some cases
and your friends were NO help.
You spent a lot of time looking up PG-13 words in the dictionary.
Praying mom wouldn't notice.
None of it made sense and you were left with a misplaced sense of shame.
And you were pretty sure you were going to Hell for it.
You felt like a real freak—but guess what? YOU WEREN'T
Or maybe you were—but really, who cares? Sex is weird.
Here are some of the sex gods that spurred the Dose team's weird feels while we learned about this thing called sex
1. Anna Chlumsky in "Gold Diggers: The Secret of Bear Mountain"
"I wasn't totally sure if she was a boy or a girl but I was totally enthralled."
You were NOT alone in the gender confusion, the total disregard of it or the arousal, Anon Doser.
2. Chance from "Homeward Bound"
Because fun and farts are sexy.
3. Crash Bandicoot
Crash was on a mission to save Tawna, his bandicoot girlfriend, but most importantly, he was wearing low-rise denim. Thank you, Playstation.
4. The Ally Mcbeal Dancing Baby
"Just like - the hip movement ? I vaguely remember feeling weird about it."
Have you ever heard anything more wonderful in your life?
5. She-ra
FanFiction members across the globe are nodding in agreement over the Princess of Power.
6. "Any of the dinosaurs in Land Before Time."
Keeping your options open.
7. Lampy from "Brave Little Toaster"
Perhaps because of his excessive use of the term, "Master."
8. David Bowie AKA Jareth in "Labyrinth"
Did any other character kindle our erotic curiosities more than the Goblin King?! Forget the tights, the epic bulge and the wicked eyeliner job, Jareth was an erotic mindfuck.In fact, Buzzfeed did a whole piece, "For Everyone Whose Sexual Awakening Was Caused By David Bowie In "Labyrinth."
Sarah, you lucky bitch.
Wife me, Goblin King.
9. Johnny Depp in "Pirates of the Caribbean"
"Seeing Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean was the first time I thought, 'Oh, I get what sex is about.'"
10. Danny O’Shea in "Little Giants"
11. Hercules
12. Smalls from "Sandlot"
13. Mike Wazowski from "Monster's Inc."
...OK. Sure.
14. Jonathan Taylor Thomas
Come here and let me lick that milk mustache right off.
15. Britney Spears
"I identify as a straight woman, but seriously, making out with Britney Spears, in a hot-tub-rain-forest-waterfall, and we were both in like leaf-bikinis, like Eve style. She was like the pinnacle of beauty and glamour for me and that is so fucking funny to look back on now, like I THOUGHT Britney Spears was the HEIGHT of fabulousness."
16. Spiderman + Web
"I always really loved it when Spiderman would tie up bad guys with his web, and I always wanted to play the bad guy in cops and robbers so I would be sent to jail...little did I know I was destined for a life of BDSM when I grew up."
17. Sonya Blade from Mortal Combat
"...and I turned out gay."
18. Alanis Morrissette
Some of us may have even grown our hair out for the soul purpose of having it cover our breasts like Alanis in "Thank You." Maybe.
19. Betty Lou from "Sesame Street"
The heart wants what the heart wants.