11 Wonderful And Complicated Truths I've Learned About Female Friendship

How many movies and TV shows have we seen where the leading lady has a BFF she's known literally since they were in diapers, and somehow their friendship manages to stay strong all these years later? I'm not saying this kind of friendship doesn't exist, but it's rare - and if you have this, consider yourself extremely lucky.

Pop culture paints the picture that every girl must have a BFF that she can call crying in the middle of the night, who will show up on her doorstep with a tub of ice cream after a breakup, etc.—and if we don't have this, something is wrong with us. 

Just like dating, people find their close friends at all stages in their life. And also just like dating, people change and sometimes we outgrow the people that knew us best when we were young.

Before we went off to different colleges, my high school friends and I stood in the driveway of the first of us to leave for college crying. It was there that we swore we would be friends forever, like in some cliche movie, and that we'd talk to each other at least once a week (which felt like an eternity.) We kept it up most of freshman and sophomore year, but when we would come home for breaks and get together, our dynamic seemed different. One friend was dating this guy and changed because of it, another rushed a sorority and I somehow had a new group of friends who I had everything in common with.

I've asked myself that if I had met my high school friends - the people they are today - would we be friends, and the answer is I don't know. Sometimes, we stay friends with people we've known for years because they become family. And like family, you accept them for who they are, flaws and all, and love them no matter how different you become.

We've all heard the term "toxic" friend before - someone who you instantly click with and become inseparable because you seem to have everything in common. But the second you start having your own thoughts, opinions and life, they belittle and criticize you. Toxic friends can be our best friend from high school, a friend we met at the gym etc. Just ask yourself - if you don't feel good about yourself hanging out with them, they are a toxic friend. And you do not need these people in your life.

I learned this the hard way. In junior high I was friends with a girl who told me how I should dress and who I should hang out with to "be cool." The more we hung out, the more I feared her, and didn't have the courage to stand up to her. Eventually, I realized enough was enough and stopped talking to her, which was the best decision I ever made.

No friendship is perfect. There are times you are always on the same wavelength, and there are times when you don't seem to get each other at all.

But no matter how distant you become, I've learned to not shut anyone out completely. I'm not saying this is the case for every friendship you once had - but for the friends that you had countless late night heart to hearts with. There were times in college I would get too busy to call back my friends from home, but they ended up being the ones who were there for me when I moved to a new city and had no one else to talk to.

You never know when you may need them again.

Relationships only work if both people are invested and the conversation is equal. No one wants to be friends with someone who literally only talks about themselves and doesn't think to ask about the other person. 

If you get together with your friend and she only asks you one question about yourself before talking about her life the rest of the time, you should have a serious conversation with this friend. Maybe it just needs to be brought to her attention and she'll apologize and make more of an effort to make the conversation equal - or maybe she'll flip out, which if that's the case, you should just think about dumping your friendship altogether.

Much like the friend who always talks about herself, there's also the friend who ditches you for her boyfriend. Constantly. You make plans to go out on Friday night, but as soon as Friday rolls around she cancels because her boyfriend's fish just died and she needs to be there for him. Lame.

I had a friend who would ditch me all the time, and worse, she would invite him to come along to every single plan we had. If your friend is always ditching you for her BF, it shows that she's putting her relationship first and you second. She's taking advantage of your friendship and only wants to hang out when it's convenient for her. Just ask yourself why and if your friendship is worth it.

Most of us hate confrontation and avoid conflict. So if your friend is being a bitch before you go out and you sense she's ~in a mood~ you might be inclined to close off. Maybe you took too long to get ready, or she wanted to go to a different bar, but there's tension in the air that you just ignore. I've been in way too many situations like this - and the more we ignore it, the more awkward it becomes. We usually "forget" about it the next morning and act like nothing happened, but then something similar happens a week later, and suddenly the tension skyrockets up to an unnecessary boiling point.

Lesson learned, it's probably best to be direct and talk about what's bothering you, even if it feels uncomfortable or weird at the time.

There's that famous quote, "girls compete with each other, women empower one another," which totally rings true. Girls can be catty and competitive, but when you have the right female friends, they will support, encourage and empower you. 

Take a lesson from comedy queens Tina Fey and Amy Poehler who have been best friends for decades because they don't see each other as a threat - but rather they take pride in each other's accomplishments. Aaaand this is why they are the definition of Friendship Goals. 

There's no better bond than laughter, especially because we don't do it enough. Women who can truly let their guard down around each other and really be the weirdo they are have the best kind of friendship because they can be themselves. It's especially great when your friend shares the same wacky sense of humor as you, and you can laugh at everything from fart jokes to your everyday awkwardness.

We are all guilty of judging someone when we first meet them - that's just human nature. I'm especially guilty of this, and ironically, those people I thought were "weird" or "too normal" to be a friend turned out to be some of my closest friends. No one reveals everything about themselves when you first meet them, so you can't really know a person until you take time to get to know them.

For awhile, I only wanted to be friends with people who watched the same TV shows as me, worshipped Beyonce and enjoyed drinking drugstore brand wine. If they didn't have any of the above qualities, I pretty much ruled them out of being my friend. I sort of caught myself in a trap with this mindset, because I couldn't always count on the friends I shared everything in common with to give me emotional support. 

 It was when I started being more accepting of everyone (see: #10) that I started making my lifelong friends because even if we didn't share the same interests, we shared the same values, one of them being our friendship.