Everything You Knew About St. Patrick is a LIE
Patron Saint of Confusing Storylines
1. His name's not even 'Patrick' - it's 'Maewyn Succat'
Maewyn means 'devoted friend' in Old English. He changed his name after becoming a priest.
2. He's not even Irish
St. Patrick was born in the Roman empire controlled England (hence his originally English name).
3. He hung out with pirates and warlords
Young Patrick was kidnapped by Irish pirates, sold to a local warlord and enslaved for 6 freaking years. But, being a saint, he befriended his captors and taught them basic
4. After Patrick finally escaped from slavery, he went back to Ireland as a missionary
He didn't want to though! The Irish people sent a petition asking for his return called 'The Voice of the Irish'.
5. The snakes miracle didn't really happen
It's totally false that Paddy kicked all the snakes out of Ireland because there were never snakes in Ireland to begin with. It was too cold for them to have migrated there during the Ice Age. Scholars suggest that the "miracle" of the snakes was a metaphor for St. Paddy driving evil out of the land.
6. There's also a rumored miracle that he brought people back from the dead
St. Patrick suppoably raised 33 people from the dead, but this has also been suggested to be a metaphor for bringing someone into the new life of a Christian
7. Patrick's other purported miracles include talking to ghosts and growing his walking stick into a tree
8. There might be more than one St. Patrick
Not like two separate Patricks who both happen to be saints, but the figure we call 'St. Patrick' is debated to be the culmination of two Irish bishops: Patrick and his predecessor Palladius who was a bishop of Ireland. It is rumored that many of the attributes of Palladius, such as being the first Christian to be sent to Ireland, were added into biographies of Patrick. Who even is this guy? (Note: Palladius totally sounds like a Sith Lord Name)
9. The whole green thing is also wrong
Patrick wore blue most of the time, but the green was later attributed to the nickname of Ireland as "The Emerald Isle" because it's super green.
10. Possibly the most important fact about St. Patrick: He's not even a saint!
Alas, Paddy is a saint by popular opinion. He is not a canonized saint in the Catholic Church because he died about 800 years before a formal canonization process was approved, and by that time so many rumors and mysteries had cropped up around him that it was difficult to determine fact from fiction. He is a canonized saint, however, in the Anglican and Orthodox traditions.
Basically everything you knew about St. Patrick was a total, utter lie, but don't let that put a damper on your St. Paddy's celebrations
