Breathtakingly Beautiful Photos Expose What It's Like to Live With Anxiety
Katie Joy Crawford lives with anxiety and wants to share her heart with the world.
Meet Katie Joy Crawford, a photographer in the Baton Rouge, LA area. For her B.F.A. capstone project, she decided to fight the stigma about anxiety through this intense and beautiful photo-essay called "My Anxious Heart."
"Depression is when you can’t feel at all. Anxiety is when you feel too much. Having both is a constant war within your own mind. Having both means never winning."
In regards to the project Crawford has responded: "My goal is to help each person battling this illness to address their anxiety and deal with it at the root."
"My head is filling with helium. Focus is fading. Such a small decision to make. Such an easy question to answer. My mind isn’t letting me. It’s like a thousands circuits are all crossing at once."
"I want them to know that just like with any illness, there is a source. There may not be a cure, but there are ways to treat it without just numbing the symptoms. I also want to be able to provide insight to those who have never experienced it."
"I was scared of sleeping. I felt the most raw panic in complete darkness. Actually, complete darkness wasn’t scary. It was that little bit of light that would cast a shadow — a terrifying shadow."
In order to increase awareness, Crawford is teaming up with her sister, who is a licensed mental health counselor, to write a book version of "My Anxious Heart"
"A glass of water isn’t heavy. It’s almost mindless when you have to pick one up. But what if you couldn’t empty it or set it down? What if you had to support its weight for days… months… years? The weight doesn’t change, but the burden does. At a certain point, you can’t remember how light it used to seem. Sometimes it takes everything in you to pretend it isn’t there. And sometimes, you just have to let it fall."
"Anxiety bars the sufferer from the risk of discovery, the desire to explore new ideas, and the possibility of exiting a comfort zone. It makes sure that it will never be alone. It finds you when you’re in the midst of joy, or alone in your own mind. It is quiet and steady, reminding you of your past failures, and fabricating your future outcomes."
"No matter how much I resist, (Anxiety will) always be right here desperate to hold me, cover me, break down with me. Each day I fight it, 'You’re not good for me and you never will be'. But there it is waiting for me when I wake up and eager to hold me as I sleep. It takes my breath away. It leaves me speechless."
"I’m afraid to live and I’m afraid to die. What a way to exist."
"It’s strange — in the pit of your stomach. It’s like when you’re swimming and you want to put your feet down but the water is deeper than you thought. You can’t touch the bottom and your heart skips a beat."
"A captive of my own mind. The instigator of my own thoughts. The more I think, the worse it gets. The less I think, the worse it gets. Breathe. Just breathe. Drift. It’ll ease soon."
"Numb feeling. How oxymoronic. How fitting. Can you actually feel numb? Or is it the inability to feel? Am I so used to being numb that I’ve equated it to an actual feeling?"
"They keep telling me to breathe. I can feel my chest moving up and down. Up and down. Up and down. But why does it feel like I’m suffocating? I hold my hand under my nose, making sure there is air. I still can’t breathe."
"Cuts so deep it’s like they’re never going to heal. Pain so real, it’s almost unbearable. I’ve become this… This cut, this wound. All I know is this same pain; sharp breath, empty eyes, shaky hands. If it’s so painful, why let it continue? Unless… Maybe it’s all that you know."
Many people have found compassion and hope through Crawford's photos
Here are some of the reactions:
“My dad said he finally was able to visualize what I’ve been saying all these years”
“I’ve never had anxiety but you’ve given me a better understanding of what my wife is battling daily,”
"I sent this to some of my close friends... Hopefully this will give them a better understanding of what anxiety really is. And hopefully it will give them the [chance] to understand me, and guide me right, which I know, they really want to do"
“I don’t feel alone anymore.”
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