14 Reasons Why Camping Is The Absolute Worst
It's not a hobby. It's slapping Mother Nature in her beautiful goddamn face.
Sure, pretend all you want, but nobody actually likes camping.
Why? You know why. But in case you need a few reminders, here are just a few of the reasons.
1. Tents suck
They're impossible to put up, they basically provide no protection from bears, wolves and other murderous things, and your friends will probably break yours by the end of the weekend.
2. Insects
See? Tents really do suck. This would never happen in my house.
3. People worked for thousands of years to GTFO of nature
So if you think by going camping you're "getting closer to nature," you're actually insulting our ancestors.
4. Camping is scary AF
But the local yokels aren't the only things you have to look out for...
5. There are bears in the woods. Fucking. Bears
Between the years of 1980 and 2011, 43 people were injured by bears in Yellowstone. That's 1.4 people injured by bear attacks a year in Yellowstone alone. Do you wanna be next? Buy some bear spray.
6. Really, everything wants to kill you. Even your aptly-named trailer
7. And if your trailer doesn't burn you to a crisp before you get to the campsite, it will probably drown you at the campsite
Whatever it is, your trailer sucks just as much as your tent does.
8. Camping is not romantic. Don't listen to the lies
Trying to get some play on top of a bed of sticks and sharp rocks? Yeah, sounds fun.
9. You're going to get really, really dirty. And you can't wash it off because there are no showers because you're sleeping outside like an animal
10. Whoever was at the campsite before you probably left a huge mess for you to cleanup
Wow, thanks. Isn't nature great?
11. When you finally get to the campsite and get everything set up to "enjoy" nature, everyone just ends up doing this anyway
"Why would I want to see a real tree when I can just look at a picture of a tree on my phone?"
12. Did I mention bears?
13. Poison oak is the most evil thing that's ever existed
Even if you end up camping in an area where there is no poison oak, you will somehow manage to get it. And it will be on your penis.
14. If the spiders, bears or poison oak doesn't get you, you've always got this guy to worry about
But it doesn't have to be Jason - there are plenty of serial killers lurking out there in the woods to ruin your "fun" time. And they absolutely will find you, especially if you're camping with a group of fairly good-looking coeds.
So yeah. Basically, fuck camping.