Not A Chance Your Worthless Kid Deserves This Toy, But It's Still Cool
This will either make you really angry or make you really want to have a kid.
I can't believe this is real.
In case you didn't feel poor enough in your everyday life, there will soon be rich kids zipping around in their own kid's version of the Tesla Model S.
The Tesla Model S is a super fancy, made-to-order electric car that starts at around $70,000. It's an extremely hip vehicle for the wealthy, as it allows them to have a stylish ride while simultaneously being able to gloat over how "green" they're being. Yuck. Now, the entitled kids of those rich fucks will have their own tiny versions of the Model S, so they can lord of poor kids who have to drive around electric jeeps like scum.
The Tesla Model S for kids is being manufactured by Radio Flyer.
Back in my day, Radio Flyer just made wagons. Now this? Damn. The mini Model S is basically just like the adult version - it even charges in the same way, and has a special lithium ion battery that lasts three times longer than the batteries in poor kids' cars.
Of course the Tesla Model S for kids has working headlights.
You can even get a customized license plate for the thing, just so everyone will know it's your kid who's superior.
Fuck you and your stupid rich dad, Alex.
If that wasn't enough, you can even get a car cover for the mini Tesla.
Just like mommy and daddy's expensive-ass car! Can you think of a better way to convince your kid they've earned every bit of wealth they were born into? I can't.
The mini Model S has alternate settings for top speeds: one tops out at two miles per hour, the other at six.
Wow Alex, you almost ran her off the road there. Was it really necessary to honk? What a dick. Not to mention this is sexist AF. What, a little girl can't handle the same speeds as a little boy? Nice message you're sending, Radio Flyer.
The car has a "frunk" and a place to plug in your music player.
"Frunk" is obviously a portmanteau of "front" and "trunk," but I'm more interested in the fact that Alex's dad didn't spring for an iPod for his kid. But at least Alex has a mini Tesla to fill the void when his dad inevitably gets locked away for insider trading.
Just like the real Tesla Model S, the kid's version is fully customizable.
You can customize and order one on the Radio Flyer website. They start at $499, but I managed to push the cost of mine up to $779. Nothing but the best for my imaginary kid! Of course, I didn't actually buy it. I just wanted to pretend to be rich for two minutes, okay? What do you think, would you get one of these for your kid?