Dating Isn't Like The Movies. Here's The Reality Of Dating In Your Twenties
Thanks to romantic comedies and teen soap operas, our perception of twenty-something life is completely wrong. Sauntering around the city at night in your party dress and flirting with several hot guys before landing "the one" is just not something that happens IRL, sadly. As a huge fan of "Sex and The City" and "Friends", two iconic TV shows that depicted fun single life, here are some of the biggest dating disappointments I've come to realize.
But hey, maybe Mr. Big is out there somewhere.
1. Expectation: You'll dance the night away with a gorgeous man and your chemistry will be electrifying
Ever since I saw Dirty Dancing, I wanted someone to "nobody puts Baby in a corner" me. He would lift me up above his shoulders in the middle of the dance floor, while everyone would be having a heat stroke over our insane chemistry.
Reality: Finding a guy to dance with at a club who's both A) attractive and B) doesn't want to grope you, is nearly impossible so you usually juke it out with your friends.
Unfortunately, dancing with a stranger and him not expecting anything more just doesn't really happen. It sucks. But never underestimate the power of dancing with your girlfriends!! Some of your best moves like the angry school teacher and shopping cart are not only totally acceptable, but they'll also scare away all the creepos.
I admit - I'm guilty of hanging out in a coffee shop "reading" a book just to see if any men will approach me. I've fantasized about a tall, dark and handsome man making an effort to come chat because I look so damn adorable engrossed in my literature.
Reality: You're usually not so put together, and everyone's too focused on themselves and their iPhones to notice you anyway.
Unfortunately, I don't have the time or energy to make myself look pretty every minute of the day, so the chances I look smoking hot while grabbing a coffee before rushing to work just doesn't seem likely. Plus, everyone and their brother is in a rush and are consumed in their technology.
You know how it goes: you're at a bar with your friends when all of a sudden you lock eyes with a stud across the room. He approaches you, buys you a drink and you chat into the wee hours of the morning. You're so confident, sexy and sly when you flirt, he just doesn't want to take his eyes off you!
Reality: Your flirting style needs some work.
First off, when a stranger approaches you at a bar, there are red flags going off in your head already. If he's not attractive, you'll run away (hopefully), and if he is attractive you wonder why he's talking to you. And if there's chemistry there, instead of being Miss Confident, you instantly stress out over what the fuck you're supposed to say to the gorgeous human being standing before you.
The possibilities are endless! Getting ready is just what it was in the movies: you'd walk into your enormous closet and fawn over your dress and shoe collection. You spend hours getting ready doing your hair and makeup 'cause you have to be the whole package!
Reality: Putting effort into your appearance not only takes so much effort, but it's pretty stressful.
Thanks to your student loans, you can't exactly afford a Carrie Bradshaw-sized closet (sadly enough). Everything is just thrown around, so it's hard to find that ~perfect~ outfit. Not to mention, making yourself look human actually takes time. A lot of time.
First, it starts with leaving the toothbrush. Then it'll be clothes, and then eventually you'll just decide to live together since you practically do already. You have cutesy moments getting ready together, it's basically like you're an adorable married couple.
Reality: Anything that implies you're in a relationship may freak either him or you out.
The term "relationship" has pretty blurred lines nowadays, so just assuming you're something you haven't talked about is a huge no-no. Also, there's a chance you may never see him again.
You'll spend the night at his fancy place, dress up in sexy lingerie and have crazy sex with multiple orgasms.
Reality: Sex is weird if it's not with the right person.
Sexy time doesn't always include another person if you catch my drift (just ask my girl Charlotte). Sometimes all you need are batteries. Just like the phrase "you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince", the same goes for sex. When you're with the right person it's great, but for most, it takes time to find the one that's worth putting on all that fancy lingerie for.
Cuddling is better than sex and it just makes you happy snuggling up next to another human you share a connection with.
Reality: Sometimes cuddling is awkward as hell.
Cuddling is great - not denying that. But cuddling up next to a sweaty body after having tequila shots and weird sex is not ideal when all you want to do is sleep in your own bed clutching your Hello Kitty pillow.
8. Expectation: When he says I love you, it's a beautiful and magical thing.
Three words, eight letters - we all loved the cat and mouse game of Chuck and Blair's relationship. When he finally tells Blair he loves her, fireworks exploded in my head - because isn't love the ultimate goal? Society ties the L word to success and finding that one true love you're destined to be with.
But does that really exist?
Reality: "I love you" are the worst three words in the English dictionary.
Feelings - especially the mushy gushy stuff - are downright terrifying. How are you supposed to know exactly how you feel when you're still trying to figure out your life? Or even like, what you're having for dinner? Many of us fear "I love you" because we're pressured into thinking something is wrong with us if we don't feel the same way back. But the truth is, it's OK to be uncertain - it'll bring you closer to finding the right person.