If You Post These 8 "Happy Birthday" Messages On Someone's Facebook, You Really Mean This
Facebook has basically whittled itself down to two things of use these days:
1) putting up a front that your life isn’t meaningless by posting pictures with your arms around somebody’s shoulders at a public gathering
–AND–
2) being reminded it’s somebody’s birthday soon
The latter is an instance where people who’ve been put off by all activity throughout the year will come out of the woodworks and pay tribute to your one special day, by posting a brief, ambiguous message of joy.
Subliminal Message:
"I sincerely wanted to wish you a happy birthday because I care about you, but as a reminder to you and to everyone who may read this, I’m totally masculine, bro."
Subliminal Message:
"Happy birthday. By the way: I end all my thoughts with a noun that adds no value to my thoughts, dude."
3. “Happy birthday, (name a person goes by)!”
Subliminal Message:
"Happy birthday. Also, I know your name, and enjoy exclaiming it!"
Subliminal Message:
"Happy birthday! It’s fun to use people’s full names as a playful way to poke fun at them. It’s like being in middle school all over again, NICHOLAS! HAHA. You see, it's funny because you go by Nick, but somehow it's playfully condescending when I point out the longer version of your name. Anyway, congratulations on aging another year, Nicholas!"
Subliminal Message:
"We totally have an inside story about why you’ve got that nickname, haha relax man I won’t tell anybody—keep being nasty though man! Happy birthday. You're so nasty, and that's how you got that nickname, remember? Okay, well I'm sure a lot of people do besides just you and me, and now it's out there for public display, because it's your birthday and I feel like joking around with ya. BYE, for now."
6. “Happy birthday! Hope you have a good one!”
Subliminal Message:
"Happy birthday! However, I’m implying you might be let down by today. The fact is, the word 'hope' puts a damper on the sentiment, and I'm actually a quite depressing person, so when I say 'Hope you have a good one,' I'm implying I usually don't on my birthdays, so I just wanted to make sure you weren't expecting too much out of today. Although it's your birthday, it is just another day on the calendar in all actuality."
7. “Happy b-day”
Subliminal Message:
"Happy birthday: I'm a bozo millennial that can't say full words anymore, so I say stuff like 'YOLO,' 'totes' and 'adorbs' in real life. Sorry you've grown up in this generation, or alongside this generation and have had to be subjected to myself and other's shortening of words for absolutely no reason. Sorry I'm rambling, now–have a happy b-day. Oops, did it again!"
8. “HBD”
Subliminal Message:
"Happy birthday. You may not remember me, but I’m the person who wrote 'HAKAS' in your yearbook. I'm not necessarily a millennial bozo who shortens everything, but rather just a badass who makes everything an acronym, and especially when I have the chance to slip a curse word into a school publication, unbeknownst to the higher-ups, so to speak. In fact: HAKABD (Have A Kickass Birthday)! Making that a thing now."