This Is What It Would Look Like If Facebook Ads Were Based On Your Real Life

by N/A, 9 years ago | 3 min read

Facebook uses Internet cookies to generate ads tailored to your online activity. That’s terrifying enough, but what would it be like if and when Facebook hacks into your real life experiences to generate cookies and make Facebook an even more intrusive part of your life? Stop and think about that for a second, because that day is mostly coming before we even know it. Facebook is already how people are living their entire lives, so why shouldn't the ads be representative of that fact?

comedy people Internet Humor Satire Advertising Non-Premium

Here's why this potentially inevitable reality of Facebook getting cookies from our real life experiences is a terrifying realization: we won't be able to hide anything from the minds behind the Internet (we already almost cannot).

Just imagine whatever you're looking at in the world is being streamlined through to the algorithm of Facebook and subsequently being regurgitated back to you in the form of user-experience and ads and statuses tailored to your personal habits. It's weird enough Facebook knows where you've been online, but what if you could escape Facebook…EVER?!

Imagine running into an old acquaintance or friend that you haven't spoken to in years. That run-in will most likely be a bit odd to say the least, and probably not something you want to ever relive again.

Now imagine that Facebook knew that moment happened, but didn't understand how awful it was. You'd see this person pop-up in your "people you may know" section and be prompted to friend-request them. In fact, it would happen to that person as well and you'd both be continually reliving that weirdness every time you scroll past these suggestions. Maybe one of you will break down and actually send the request, then Facebook thinks its cookies are working and does this to you time and again. NO!

What if you get into a fight with your significant other? Facebook already demands to know the status of your relationship, but under this hypothetical potential reality, Facebook would make the status of that relationship renew itself in real time.

You're yelling at each other, and unbeknownst to you, your relationship status gets changed to "It's complicated." This gets an outcry from all you and your significant other's friends, then before you know it, everybody is all up in your personal business. That's pretty much already the case, but when the future most likely brings us this type of streamlined technology, there's no keeping anything from anyone, unless you completely rid yourself of Internet profiles.

It could be worse than that; people already feel they need to voice their often radical and uninformed political opinions on Facebook. When the day comes Facebook has cookie access to our real life, posts from these users will get even more outrageous.

When this day comes, get ready for an endless stream of rants with no filter between the brain and typing, because Facebook will just pull those thoughts out and slap an extremist online political outlet article along side it (whether the person has read it or not).

Imagine singing some weird, embarrassingly awful pop song in the shower. That private moment was meant for you and you only. Too bad, because when Facebook takes control of cookies in our real lives, everybody will know about that moment.

Here's what Facebook will do. You'll see ads popping up nonstop for tickets and tour information for that artist. Facebook will like that artist's official page for you. Articles from outlets covering that artist would show up as promoted in your feed. Facebook may even share that you've been listening to that artist on Spotify recently, just to let everyone know you're into them.

Alright, alright: admittedly this situation is totally hypothetical, but to say it's completely far-fetched isn't being realistic. Facebook already runs most people's lives, because they give so much information to the site. Soon, they will be the site.

So, we as a society can keep letting technology inundate out lives, or we can slow down and realize that not everything needs to be a shared experience. Literally shared, as in, everything we do is reflected in the Internet and all privacy is lost. Maybe this made-up wackiness will make people realize it, or maybe I'll see an ad tailored to me later about employment websites, because this whole thing was ludicrous and make my superiors question my sanity. Both scenarios are: to be continued.