Sorry For Ruining Things For You, But You Should Know These 6 Real Life Spoiler Alerts
"Spoiler Alerts" are just about the most annoying thing that has ever existed on this planet. People can't keep their mouths shut about high-quality entertainment (movies, television, books) and ruin it for people who want to enjoy it for themselves, but just haven't had time to yet. Why do these selfish people have to give away crucial plot points that they were able to enjoy in real time to a person who'll now already see it coming?
Well, if you look around you, spoiler alerts happen IRL too.
Paychecks that are lacking in funding are just a real life spoiler alert warning you about how boring your upcoming weekends are going to be. Dismal paychecks are just around to forewarn you about the climactic moment of the forthcoming dinners you'll be having, which mainly consist of leftovers and cheap takeout if you want to splurge on yourself a little bit.
*SPOILER ALERT* "You're not going to be doing much of anything."
Oh thanks, Yelpers, for ruining everything exciting there is to be known about attempting to try a new restaurant for the first time! Positive and negative reviews alike, getting on Yelp is just a spoiler alert as in what to or not look forward to, making it a real #2 (piece of sh*t)!
*SPOILER ALERT* "The food and the ambiance are something I, a Yelper, have experienced already and want to steal that moment of realizing whether you like this place or not from you by opining online about it."
Hosting and/or attending some social gathering is an odd enough experience, because you never really know who is or isn't going to be there. However, thanks to (sarcasm alert) Facebook events you now can know that exact information leading up to said event. The reason this spoiler alert needs to be stopped in it tracks is because: do you really want to know only 5 people have RSVP'd and the majority said "maybe" at that?
*SPOILER ALERT* "Nobody wants to come to this event, so should you?"
It's bad enough people can't keep their mouths shut about premium entertainment and tell you every detail before you've had a chance to consume it yourself, but now they have an online outlet to do just that. Seriously, just try and go on Fandango to buy tickets without feeling compelled to read the fan reviews. It's nearly impossible–then you've spoiler alerted yourself. This movie "better not suck" is damn right!
*SPOILER ALERT* "Before you even buy tickets, key plot points may be revealed."
People shouldn't be allowed to use this feature, because it is absolutely the most necessary yet unnecessary innovation that technology has ever brought the world. It's great to know that somebody has in fact read your message so you know they didn't miss it, but when a response doesn't come your feelings are hurt. You've just been ignored, and there's nothing you can do except send a pathetic follow-up message, that may also get ignored.
*SPOILER ALERT* "Nobody wants to talk to you!"
Like seriously, these spoiler alerts are actually extremely useful, but are completely unavailable to the public eye. And, we all know just how impossible it is to eat avocados are the perfect time–UGH! Why are avocados withholding their spoiler alert from us about their imminent spoiling? We need this information, and for once a spoiler alert would be gladly accepted, but alas, it's simply a mystery as to what's going to happen.
*SPOILER ALERT* "Nobody knows when to eat avocados–good luck!"