Santa University: The Real Alma Mater Of Fake Santas Everywhere (No Really, It Exists)

by N/A, 10 years ago | 2 min read

Noerr Programs "reaches unparalleled benchmarks with our emphasis on the Experience: Creating Magic, Inspiring Smiles, Capturing Memories," or so they say on their website. One of those programs is designed specifically to bring the most-qualified, presumably jolly Santas to malls and other public venues around America. The program is aptly called Santa University, and puts out a claimed 96% graduates with real, white beards. I assume majors fields of study include: presents, cookies, etc.

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During a four-day training in July, prospective Santas are trained at the Noerr corporate offices called, well (isn't it obvious?), the North Pole.

The only it's got me wondering is: is this a cult? Everybody looks alike and dresses alike and is preached to about how to act by following a specific doctrine.

"When a kid tells you what they want for Christmas–you promise to make that happen."
"When a kid is crying on your lap–go ahead and pose and smile for a candid photo. It'll be a funny memory."

I' assuming some of this is listed in the course syllabus for Santa University, but admittedly have no research to back this claim up.

Graduates of the program are thought to come through Santa University not just for the training, but for the camaraderie. They share stories about their past experiences mimicking Santa and bringing joy into children's lives.

But, again, isn't this a little creepy. Hundreds of men that all look like clones of one another put together in one facility for half-a-week in the middle of summer to prepare one month of work 6 months from that time? Seems odd, to say the least.

If you're not thrown off by this whole thing yet, you can watch this 5-minute informative behind-the-scenes video on Santa University. If you are thrown off by the existence of such a cult-like program, ignore the video and avoid all mall settings.

No word yet on whether or not hipster-Santa or fashionable-Santa were graduates of the program, but with this seemingly Christmas/Santa purist setup, it seems unlikely either of these two came through the program.

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good fright…ening Santa college nightmare clone scenario!"