7 Desserts Cleverly Disguising Themselves as Breakfast Food Items
Breakfast is said to be the most important meal of the day, which is why apparently so many people either skip it or completely disrespect it and go for the one meal a day you could literally live without ever consuming it again: dessert. Yes, that's right, I said it, breakfast is just one big guise for dessert lovers to devour danishes and other decadent dishes en route to a dismal day.
Oh, I see you, desserts, don't think that you can get away with this charade! Bacon and eggs won't have it!
Doughnuts can't disguise their dessert lineage anymore than people who eat these for breakfast can pretend this is breakfast at all! Oh, sure, doughnuts are delicious, but give me a break, and fast, because this ain't no breakfast! Mind you, I've eaten my fair share of doughnuts, but anything topped with icing, powdered sugar, sprinkles and the like can hardly be considered an important meal if you can even call it that.
Doughnuts? Psshhh! More like:
"dough-sserts!"
BOY HOWDY: can you even taste the waffle (aka syrup cup, I'm making that a thing) among all the dessert-like essentials such as liquid sugar (syrup), powdered sugar and butter if you're not done making this the most savory excuse for not eating something a bit healthier?
Waffle? Psshhh! More like:
"w-awful excuse for breakfast that is in fact a dessert!"
It's fun size. It's convenient. It's right there at a coffee shop. It comes in a little piece of paper wrapped like a present. It also frequently features chocolate! Nice try muffins, but I can see right through your dessert ancestry. You wanted to make something of yourself, so you implemented yourself into the realm of breakfast, but you're nothing but a phony!
Muffins? Psshhh! More like:
"muffins deserted dessert!"
If you wanted sugar so bad, could you not just have waited until dessert whenever that may be. If you're ready to admit breakfast is just an excuse to eat dessert I'll accept, but if you won't admit this, you're just overindulging in multiple desserts during the day, and, well, have at it!
Bowl of cereal? Psshhh! More like:
"dessert that tastes better dipped in milk, you know, like a cookie?!"
Desserts are great at adding up the carbs real quick. Likewise, so is bread. So, why not combine the two and blow this culinary creation off the carbohydrate charts? If you want to pretend dipping a piece of bread in some egg yolks, (read next word sarcastically) FRYING it and topping it with powdered sugar and syrup is a non-dessert you're not fooling me. Don't even talk to me about fruit toppings!
French toast? Psshhh! More like:
"dessert toast!"
Oh, I already said that one.
Woops: TOO LATE! These are just a colossal culinary catastrophe, in terms of desserts disguised as breakfasts. It's just a roll of dough with the slightest hint of cinnamon (DESPITE ITS NAME) topped with icing! It's just a lazy doughnut! At least the doughnuts gets out there and tries to make something of itself. Cinnamon rolls come in a freaking can for pity's sake!
Cinnamon rolls? Psshhh! More like:
"cinna-c'mon, these are breakfast rolls!"
When I hear someone say they like coffee I just make air-quotes around the word coffee in my head. That isn't coffee you're drinking: it's dessert! Mocha-frapa-vanilla-pumpkin-spiced-latte or what the fudge ever (fudge can also be included, but no pun intended) topped with whipped cream sounds suspiciously like someone trying to fill a sweet tooth craving is you ask this breakfast purist!
Coffee? Psshhh! More like:
"coffee-ssert!"
I didn't even mention all of these devilish desserts:
• crepes
• scones
• pancakes
• breakfast "bars"
• danishes
Dessert is dessert and breakfast should be breakfast! I don't see any other meals losing their identity in the wave of a full on dessert storm, if you will! Can we take breakfast back? Is it possible? Or is everybody just going to sit idly by while we lose for good the fabric of breakfast?! I for one will not! SO: who's with me?!
*safely assuming nobody raised their hand to join me*