Selfie Sticks Are Ridiculous, But Here Are 7 Ingenious Uses For These Silly Items
Selfie sticks are the cutting edge technology that has turned a generation of self-absorbed smartphone users into an even more ridiculous product of people. As if taking multiple photos of yourself when in public isn’t odd enough, now you’ve got to carry a stick around to assist yourself in that?!
We’ve got an idea for how these selfies sticks could actually be used in real world situations, and we’re okay with that. Just please: stop using them to photograph your dumb face!
This is a great way to put your useless selfie stick to good use. You can’t see back there. You’re not flexible enough to bend so the mirror will do you any good. You’re NOT AN OWL! How are you going to see back there? Taking a photo, without the embarrassment of including a friend, and reviewing it, that’s how. Good thing you wasted money and made yourself look like a moron by buying a selfie stick, because now it’s assisting in your overall health.
That itch is right in the middle of your back (or elsewhere) and you keep getting close to it, but the more you try the further away it seems to get. What can you use to get to it?! You don’t want to rub up against a wall or something–that’d made you look like a creep! Don’t squirm either, people will thing you’ve gone mental! Use that dumb selfie stick to reach it! Take a picture while you’re back there–it could be a rash (see #1).
If you’re dumb enough to carry one of these around in public you’ve probably noticed the odd gazes from passers by. Next time you once again make the mistake of going out in public with one of these and start getting those judgmental looks, just drop it down and start walking with a limp and pretend it’s a cane. Nobody will know the difference, and we assume it actually works (WARNING: if you’re old don’t try this. We’re making fun of idiotic millennials).
Are you a shorty? Can’t see the delicious desserts that are on the top shelf? Use your selfie stick, not to take a picture of your frowny-face because you can’t reach it, but instead to see what’s up there. And if you like what you see: knock the box down using the stick!
If you’re a college professor and a student brings a selfie stick into your learning environment, you should have the authority to take it away and being using it to guide your lecture. Got an important topic to discuss, but it’s written all the way on the other side of the board? Point it out–using the selfie stick you stole!
This includes defense against anything from small insects to large human burglars. If you’re silly enough to have purchased a selfie stick, you should at least get your money’s worth by defending your honor when a fly won’t stop pestering you, or a burglar tries to steal your selfie stick and sell it on eBay to other dummies like you! We condone this course of action.
Finally, it may seem like an insane idea to have soldiers carrying around selfie sticks, but imagine the good use they could get from this. You need to see what’s around that corner. Maybe you don’t have chewing gum and a little mirror like Tom Hanks did in “Saving Private Ryan” but you’ve got awesome technology instead. Then, when things go awry soldiers could refer to #6. It seems ingenious if you ask us.