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McDonald's Has a New Hamburglar...and He is an Insufferable Hipster

by N/A, 10 years ago | 1 min read

McDonald's is rebranding, and if they keep going down their current trajectory Ronald McDonald is going to rocking a coif and his giant red shoes are going to be made of free-range leather with hemp shoestrings. 

The latest incident proving the ridiculousness of McDonald's hipster rebranding is their newly appointed Hamburglar. 

HIPSTER Humor trending Food/Cooking News(General) Non-Premium

This is the new Hamburglar.

All we know about him is that he's the new Hamburglar...but if I were a betting woman, I'd put even odds on the fact that before this his real name is something like River, he likes to do macrame on the weekends and he's growing his own hops for his next batch of home-brew. I'm also pretty sure he rides a bike where the brakes have been deliberately disabled. 

It shouldn't come as a huge surprise...given a few McDonald's menus have started putting Kale on their menus.

What the actual fuck is this, McDonald's? You can't have something known as a "Quarter-Pounder" and Kale on the same menu. Try harder. 

They have also released this INEXPLICABLE line of Big mac clothing that looks like something out of a terrible dream where I'm stuck inside of an American Apparel but I've been tripping on LSD and all I can see are Big Macs.

And outside of said dream, this clothing has no place in society. 

Back to this uncompromising douchebag...

Is he serious with those shoes? Is the Hamburglar a sneakerhead? What is life anymore? Who am I? 

McDonald's, please...please just give us back this jolly little fellow.

Hipsters, we've already given you artisanal mayonnaise...graphic t-shirts...Converse shoes...even most brunch establishments. So please, please just let us have McDonald's. 

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