McDonald's Has a New Hamburglar...and He is an Insufferable Hipster
McDonald's is rebranding, and if they keep going down their current trajectory Ronald McDonald is going to rocking a coif and his giant red shoes are going to be made of free-range leather with hemp shoestrings.Â
The latest incident proving the ridiculousness of McDonald's hipster rebranding is their newly appointed Hamburglar.Â
All we know about him is that he's the new Hamburglar...but if I were a betting woman, I'd put even odds on the fact that before this his real name is something like River, he likes to do macrame on the weekends and he's growing his own hops for his next batch of home-brew. I'm also pretty sure he rides a bike where the brakes have been deliberately disabled.Â
What the actual fuck is this, McDonald's? You can't have something known as a "Quarter-Pounder" and Kale on the same menu. Try harder.Â
And outside of said dream, this clothing has no place in society.Â
Is he serious with those shoes? Is the Hamburglar a sneakerhead? What is life anymore? Who am I?Â
Hipsters, we've already given you artisanal mayonnaise...graphic t-shirts...Converse shoes...even most brunch establishments. So please, please just let us have McDonald's.Â