21 Strange Thoughts That Will Change The Way You View Your Food Forever
by N/A, 10 years ago |
4 min read
|
1184
Food may seem simple.
But when you apply these existential questions to your food...you'll start to see it in a very different light.
1. Breakfast really means "breaking fast" from not eating while you sleep. So keeping this in mind...really anything you eat after you wake up counts as breakfast.
Beer and pizza? Still counts!
2. Chocolate milk is a type of chocolate...but chocolate milk is ALSO a type of milk.
Chocolaception!
3. Alphabet soup is not alphabet soup to the illiterate.
It is just plain soup.
4. Jerky is the raisin of beef products.
5. Pizza is just a few deliberate phone-button touches away.
6. If a boy or girl that weights 99 pounds puts back a whole pound of nachos, they will then be 1% nacho.
I wonder if there are any college scholarships for that?
7. Silverware are really just workers who have been outsourced the assignment of chewing from your mouth.
8. Sideways tacos are actually just sandwiches with a strange corn tortilla outer layer.
9. Soup is really broth-flavored tea. With some stuff floating in it.
So it's actually the worst tea ever.
10. Rice is like the snack you have when you're so hungry you need to eat 2,000 items to satiate your appetite.
11. Every single thing in the world is, or is not, ice cream.
12. Countless people died from eating foods that we know now to be poison.
13. There is sunshine in everything that we consume.
14. A spoon is miniature bowl. On a stick.
That interacts a lot with much larger, stick-less bowls.
15. Menus do not include little time stamps that indicate how long something takes to prepare...but they could, and should.
16. There's a meal that is exactly macaroni and cheese, only designed for adults.
It's called fettucini alfredo.
17. A toaster is really a tanning salon for your bread.
But so much less damaging for your bread's skin!
18. When you eat a slice of pizza, you're actually eating it from the inside out.
19. Grocery shopping is little more than buying things that will eventually build up your poop.
20. Toast = toasted bread, ergo French toast should = toasted French bread. But this is not the case...
...I guess we don't live in a perfect world.
21. Smoothies are soup, made from fruit, that is cold.
So really, gazpacho soup is actually a tomato-flavored smoothie.
✕
Do not show me this again