Brendan H. Young/Critically Rated

Includes a $400 gift card for food … and that’s not even the best part.

Ah, writers-in-residence programs. Available only to up-to-snuff intellectuals willing to cut ties with the modern world and live like a recluse in … the Mall of America?

In a somewhat strange move, the marketing team behind the largest indoor shopping center in the country chose to celebrate its 25th anniversary by creating a five-day writer-in-residence program.

“Our goal is to come away from this project with an evocative story about Mall of America that represents the contemporary guest experience,” MOA said in a news release.

The company will give the writer-in-residence a $2,500 honorarium, $400 towards food and drinks, and four nights in a hotel near the mall, which is in Minneapolis.

To apply, you have to send them a pitch saying what you want to write about during your five days.

Hard to say what the Mall of America’s idea of “evocative” is, but here’s hoping they opt for a loose interpretation and consider the following pitches:

101 Unexpected Uses For A Massage Chair — 24 Hours in the Sharper Image

You Can Take It With You — A Shoplifter’s Guide to the Mall of America

How Yankee Candle Taught Me To Embrace My Dormant Patriotism

To get in on the action, make sure to submit your application by midnight on Mar. 10.